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"Dating Your Town": How to Go Out Alone
I’ve never put out the full story on what exactly happens psychologically for a woman deciding on going out alone. It’s about time, because that’s one of the most frequent questions I get asked – is it better to go out alone? Or should I just stay home if my friends are busy or I’m feeling too shy?
The answer is, as in much of life, “It depends…”
What is the core reason for doing ANYTHING you do as a woman with real drive and passion?
· A sense of belonging and creating – to advance what you care about, what you know how to do, and how that builds a life as a woman headed toward making a difference in the world.
· A sense of safety, resources and options in the dating marketplace – finding the right men to date or man for you, to go all the way with if you choose – spend a life with in total satisfaction.
In case you haven’t immediately guessed, these two bullets are the two terms of the Equation of Femininity I have devised for you, and explain globally in the brand new Complete Feminine Empowerment Program, here:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/complete-feminine-empowerment
These are the DRIVERS of a life as a woman. The “WHYS” of feminine life.
Of course the WAY you decide to enrich your life, and grow in character and maturity are fully covered in the MindOS Mastery Program at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos
And the nitty gritty WHAT do you do to attract men is covered top to bottom from getting dates to finding a great mate is covered in the complete system of courtship I lay out for you in the Seventh Sense Program at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense
Let’s cut to the chase. One prime concern of women in dating or socializing happens to be physical safety. Another aspect of this you might call your “psychological safety” – meaning, will the men you meet hurt your feelings? Will they waste your time or not appreciate your conversation, presence, looks or purpose in life?
This leads us to a second feminine need, no matter how tough you are, how successful, how hard-nosed or experienced or intelligent. It’s the need to BELONG.
Which is why one almost never hears of a woman going out alone just to do so, just to learn, or just to BE.
The social reflex to commune with friends is not only instinctual. It’s wildly enjoyable. So it’s no surprise.
Yet one of the most touching, and brave, and enlightening dramatic depictions of the value of this exercise is seen in the television show called, Sex and the City.
In the episode I’m thinking of, Carrie goes through yet another disappointment with men, and at this special moment, she announces that she has decided to “go on a date with New York.”
She’s going to go out alone, meet people, walk alone and appreciate the surroundings, meet more people, think about herself, her life, and who she is, then meet still more people.
All alone, and yet, discovering, never alone, either for the presence of interesting others, or for being good company for herself.
And not sitting at home watching TV as company to herself.
It’s beyond touching. It’s uplifting for both women and men to see, and I’ll tell you how.
Men aren’t used to meeting women so in touch with themselves, so brave, so independent, and so adventurous or curious about life that they are out socially on their own.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. I’m not saying all women are shy. Not saying there aren’t women who already do this, have a very independent life, or do exactly what they feel like doing when they feel like doing it.
Being on a business trip and stopping for a drink in the hotel bar is not what I’m talking about. Going to lunch alone during the work day is not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is going a little ways toward man-thinking about the concept of being out and about alone.
The reason this is powerful is that it telegraphs to a man that you are a one-in-a-million woman and force to be reckoned with, that you can stand on your own two feet socially, and therefore, that he can see you as far more than just someone to date. He might very shortly after meeting see you in a way that men MUST see women they will eventually commit to long-term: as a fit teammate.
The lessons to be learned are plenty, and the techniques you will learn are well-defined. It is the skill training of the following three courses:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos
http://www.womenshappiness.com/complete-feminine-empowerment
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense
The skills will be:
1. Observing Ego – the ability to be cool enough to observe, learn, match and blend into the social environment, for everyone’s benefit.
2. Body Language – the signals that tell a man you might be interested, and which encourage him to want to start conversation and keep it going.
3. Friendliness – the emotional state that leads a man, potential new girlfriends, and everyone you meet, to find you someone they would want to bond with or invest in as something more than just a casual acquaintance.
4. Challenging and Secure – the states of both femininity and maturity as a woman which makes the less desirable, immature, or unconfident man go away, the confident ones stay, and of those, only the mature and respectful remain wanting even more. And ask you out.
The end result of doing these techniques will make use of something not many consider - "thinking like a man" in order to grow from the experience, align with and bond with them as an "insider," and to cultivate the strength, friendliness and social circles, attractiveness, and the spirit of fun and flirtation to get things started...
...with the indicators of teamwork ability, adventure, flexibility, and creativity that telegraph the skills of both a desirable, successful mate, and a long term friend.
Doing this will be working against some of your basic nature - the need to belong to a group of others, to protect safety, and to be the one pursued - to instead teach you something of what YOU are made of, building the muscles of making friends, and finding that you don't need the approval of others to enjoy life - not even your girlfriends. Instead, you can yourself be the best date for you imaginable.
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HI Dr Paul and others, I am recently confused about how to handle a friend of mine who ALWAYS has to be the centre of attention. She is a generous person in many ways and not mean-spirited, but I guess has an underlying anxiety that drives her over-...
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