The Number One Sexual Attractor

On the way to London recently to train women at how to attract, date and form quality relationships with quality men who are right for them, I came across some stunning actual scientific findings from evolutionary psychology. In fact, the results were so rigorous and convincing that it seemed that they would surely shoot holes in what I was about to teach. After all, women worldwide want to find what works for them to become more accomplished in the area, to actually have some control and power over their lives. What a downer it would be to find that two genetic or physical features of one's constitution matter more than anything else.

One was a relatively large attractor, though not the top one, and it is sheer physical height. Whew. Lucky me.

The other I had always suspected was a major force, though it would be bad news for a little over fifty percent of the world's population. I learned it from colleague and evolutionary psychologist, Geoffrey Miller, Ph.D. He is quite insistent that it outpaces any other technique or move, and even physical features such as height.

It's General Intelligence - the ultimate attractor of men and natural aphrodisiac.

Now that I've completed the training and am back home in time to launch our new Feminine Intelligence in Breaking Up (Or Win Him Back) Program, it's easy to agree with Geoff's assertion, but there's a far deeper and more detailed reason that also carries an opportunity for learning.

Breakups were a common theme among these women, but they also had a wonderful diversity of dating experiences and problems.

Some had difficulty getting dates in the first place (and their looks were not at all a problem - it had more to do with the psychology on the inside, not appearance on the outside in the minds of men.)

Others had no problem at all getting a first date or maybe even a second, but they never seemed to advance to a Boyfriend/Girlfriend status.

Still others seemed to settle into Boyfriend/Girlfriend status pretty consistently, they would reach a barrier, and go no further into deeper intimacy that carried the promise of a very long term and satisfying life together.

Unfortunately, all of them had been to "dating seminars" before, almost universally taught by non-professional males who were essentially importing what they felt worked for MEN'S dating lives, but did not at all make sense as advice to women specifically.

Luckily, the Seventh Sense Program and the live trainings based on it cover the entire gamut of human courtship - not just initial attraction, not just Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships, and not just marriage and the long term. They cover ALL of it.

Men and women have quite equal value, intelligence, and emotional experience, but are very different in the instincts and reflexes of romance.

Before digging in to our systems and techniques of live training, we had to undo a bit of the faulty former trainings they had attended.

A lot of it sounded - well - unintelligent, given that Dr. Miller's words were still on my mind. So I concluded that when the advice of dating gurus is used in an intelligent, witty, smooth way, it might work in a particular case or two. But when used unintelligently, it would never, ever work to attract a man. And never would it work if it treated men and women as some sort of psychological, identical twins.

Women are different, and need to learn their specific dance steps in the mating dance - not the steps that men are responsible for dancing to.

One case in point is the advice to curtail contact with men - either by phone or text or email, or actual physical touch. While it is true that men are a little "thick" about picking up on subtle social cues as compared to women - 4 times thick to be exact - a woman can help a man overcome this lack of fluency in social language, by doing a little touching and a little texting of her own in order to break through and let him know she likes him.

That's flirting 101.

Secondly, the advice out there that a woman ought to be overly difficult to reach or difficult to strike harmony and agreement with is a very bad move. Men and women both come to relationships voluntarily, and if ill-timed, even a flirty disagreement can short-circuit even the best of relationship potentials.

Again, the advice of the gurus sounded like an unintelligent move. How many men will be offended, turned off, or even alarmed for their reputation among their friends if they got too agreeable with a woman being disagreeable (and not living in her real, authentic personality in so doing anyway?) The dating gurus never addressed how the man would feel, or how dating is not an adversarial situation - it's a real, and congenial partnership. It's a partnership where you are testing and vetting each other for fit to each others' lives, but nonetheless it is supposed to be a fun, friendly, flirty thing, not a battle for dominance.

It was not lost on me that the slogan we use to describe our programs centers on the phrase, "Feminine Intelligence."

It turns out this is the answer to everything you have ever wondered about men and sexual attraction - the answer is that men and women have different dance steps at the very first encounter with each other.

Men need to learn that "being mysterious" toward women is the number one sexual attractor.

And women need to learn that it's not sheer physical beauty or fitness that attracts the man - it's how they use the body (and body language) they've got, to specifically signal the man he is desired.  That's the number one attractor for women to use.

There is a definite reason for this that is centered in the male developmental stages, and fully covered in the Seventh Sense Program  on all of human courtship's steps.

For now, what we need to know is that men respond most robustly, most vigorously, and largely unconsciously to a woman who uses her physicality in a way that makes no promises, but implies sexual chemistry in a way that is more about the visual nature, not the auditory nature of conversation, or the emotional experience she may feel for example among her girlfriends - it inspires in the man, a curiosity about why she does and says what she does, what makes her tick, why she is in the venue, what her body language means, whether she will be a good partner in bed or more importantly, a fit mate potentially. Men are all about the visual presentation in the early stages of attraction.

So the "intelligent" way to approach men is not just in compelling conversation, or jumping right into being a challenge, or difficult, or hard to get, nor getting the man jealous through the attention of other men. It begins with using body language, smiles, and too-long gazes to signal the man that he is preferred over other men in the environment.

On the flipside, it is in fact a dance for two, and so you can use the prime core attractor that men must do to attract you - being a source of curiosity and mystery to you - to gauge his potential sexual chemistry with you, satisfaction in bed, and the passion which must be felt (regardless of when you feel it's right to actually have sex.)

When a man does "dating coach advice" toward women in his conversation or body language, it's risky. If done WITHOUT mysteriousness, or a mode which causes you to be curious, their techniques will not at all work in any instance. But even their techniques will work if the student of attraction approaches women with an air of mystery that incites curiosity.

Sometimes dating gurus and authors focus so much on just one gender getting what they want, instead of seeing it as a partnership - the very first and prime attractor being the sexual tension between a man who knows how to make himself slow and sexy to be discovered by the woman, and the woman who knows how to use her eyes, her gaze, her smile and her body to entice and tease the object of her initial desire.

That's the prime core attractor of men.

As we explored the night life of London together, one other psychological roadblock got in the way for our students. Many of the women were blocked from learning by ghosts of the past, men who had wronged them, breakups that continued to shake their confidence, or freedom to be themselves and risk being assessed or judged by men who have just as much to lose in choosing the wrong partner, or superimposing failures of the past on the present.

We needed to flush out the baggage of past breakups in order to move on.

If you are a woman who has been through a breakup, worries about a breakup, or is about to go through a breakup, I want to do something special for you.

The next three days of newsletters I am going to take you by the hand and teach you the three foundational steps of sexual attraction, one a day, and along the way, I will offer you the chance to have my services by phone and email for a FULL YEAR FREE, when you get the Seventh Sense Program.

It comes with the Virtual Dating Coach - standalone price 500$, but I'll do more. I will throw in the Feminine Intelligence in Breaking Up Program FREE OF CHARGE and hot off the presses, as part of your purchase. With it, the first 50 women will get this "Breakup Insurance" i am talking about - a full year of access to me by cellphone, at a number reserved only for the purpose of being there for you if you are going through a breakup, or about to, or just have.  Email support too at a special address just for that.

Just write me personally after getting the Seventh Sense Program, and I'll set you up with this special service and the Breaking Up Program. This will only last about a week before slots are filled!

Enjoy!  And see you for the second step of attraction tomorrow!