You Can't Afford "Surprises"

Paul Dobransky MD's picture
Submitted by Paul Dobransky MD on Fri, 2011-06-17 20:25
You Can't Afford "Surprises"

In the past couple of weeks I’ve had one friend get surprised by a layoff from work, a second one surprised by a sudden demand by his girlfriend that they move in together, and a third friend get surprised by his wife’s own sudden feelings - realizing after seven years of marriage that she wants a divorce.  These are the surprises of life, and what matters is what we do next. We can’t control the world, the random conditions of the environment, or human mistakes, but we can jump on them and correct our direction. While we can’t afford surprises if they could be prevented in the first place, if the surprise can’t be avoided, then we MUST capitalize on them.

Often, a big surprise comes with the words, “we need to talk.”
 
The boyfriend or husband of many months or years approaches you very sternly and says, “We need to talk.” The man you’ve been dating for only two weeks, but who is shaping up to be your utter dream-man – wild attraction, a perfect first date, stunning conversation, plans for some events, a bottle of wine, music this weekend. Then wham! He texts something completely vague about “hey about this weekend, let me get back to you…”
 
Then the night of the date he’s late, you call, he doesn’t answer.
 
You call two more times with no answer.
 
He finally calls back to say, “Look, we need to talk…”
 
It’s over. He won’t be seeing you again, and you don’t really know why. Even if you ask him if there’s another woman in the picture (not advisable), he won’t say so with any detail anyway. Whether it’s a date, a boyfriend or a husband in question here, this terrible surprise is among the worst you could possibly hear: “We need to talk.” Yet again, the two advantages of all our programs come into play:
 
We show you a model of doing it the right way when it comes to men, career, friendships and personal growth – a yardstick by which to measure your performance, and they help you set things up as perfectly as they could be in the right place. Down the road, you don’t get any surprises because you chose the right job with the right boss, and the right man to date, and the right boyfriend or husband in the first place. 
 
The “surprises” take many forms. Many years ago I had the nastiest of bosses, and for whatever reason he took a dislike to me, calling me into his office at random times with the phrase, “We need to talk.” Each time he wouldn’t really have much specific to say – just that he “didn’t like how things were going.” It struck enough terror in my heart, and yet all the other managers were giving me positive feedback. So, I quit my job and moved on to a different field before the nasty boss even had a chance to play with my feelings further.
 
When my friend told me this week that her boss at the media company kept telling her of falling profits, that this “creeped her out” and made her worry, we conspired together to think about what she might do “if for whatever reason she were laid off.” Lo and behold, a few days later, it happened. She told me it was a terrible experience but that planning for it took the edge off the shock of the surprise. More importantly, she immediately began a creative search, turning the situation in a positive new direction toward an even better job. 
 
Two things helped both of us to stop the negative effects of a surprise in their tracks:
 
1) Observing Ego – the only human skill that allows change, growth, and your first line of defense against surprises. To be awake, aware, and at the steering wheel of your life’s resources.
 
2) Courage – to take worry, lack of confidence, and the threat of loss that is contained in some surprises and channel it into bold new actions. Courage means doing the right thing no matter how bad it feels.”
 
Both of those skills are covered in the MindOS Mastery course. Remember that feeling alive and having vitality and passion for life depend on your skill with men and your progress on a creative purpose. The Complete Feminine Empowerment Program, has a lot to say about career development, the connection between that and men, and how to go from “girl thinking” to “woman thinking.”
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