As a man and a movie lover, the "Twilight" films have annoyed me to no end. That is, until I saw a recent article by a woman about why she loves Robert Pattinson and his character, Edward Cullen, so much. It was telling, both about the films but more importantly about our culture. There is a hunger for real courtship in which the man is a true gentleman in the medieval sense. Women of all ages appear to be longing for what both Edward the vampire and Jake the werewolf offer. In the words of the female admirer above, paraphrased, it’s all that is deeper and richer about love than sexual chemistry alone. That's where the gentleman part comes in. The origin of the word comes not from a "gentle man," but a "genteel" man - a man born of high station with respect, honor and also with a dangerousness, and aggression put in service of his goals, his country, and of course his lady. Edward Cullen is a gentleman in this sense, while Jake the werewolf’s aggression is edged out by the gentlemanly love he shows for Bella.
Bella is an adolescent, but the degree to which she seems to play one boy against the other might strike many of us as unusually cruel, if not silly, until one sees deeper meaning in her choice between two half-men/half-creatures. You may recall that in the courtship system I lay out for you in the Seventh Sense Program. I talk about how there are three phases to courtship.
1. The first is based on the level of the brain that evolutionary psychologists have called the Reptilian Brain - the center of the primitive instincts of sexual attraction. The evil armies - both vampire and werewolf alike - clearly display the most evil represent the pure, unhindered, untempered, unrestrained instincts of the Reptilian Brain alone.
2. The second - the Mammalian Brain - is the center of emotion and therefore love and friendship (hint: Jake has these functions in great supply)
3. And the third - the Higher Brain (or cerebral functions) - the center of the intellect, executive function and maturity of character - which is of course is Edwards’ area of dominance.
Your allegiance to Team Edward or Team Jacob mirrors the deepest missing element that you have longed for in a relationship, as a woman. Jake is the heart of love, and Edward is the mature, gentlemanly mind of love. How is a girl to choose? Which guy is better for Bella? It would be pleasant torture for a woman to navigate between these two handsome but very different lovers. Bella’s internal conflict mirrors the feminine instinct to pit men against each other in competition, but Bella will reach maturity and realize that she can't make a complete love out of two different men. She will have to choose between the man with the emotional heart and the man with intellect and mature devotion.
It’s an impossible choice. Someday, the mature woman must find all three types of attraction - all three phases of courtship satisfied, in just one man.
Navigating between the men who are the essence of the two brains of committed love - the emotions of the Mammalian and the intellect and maturity of the Higher Brain, a girl growing into a woman must develop the personal boundaries to keep both at bay until one grows the natural skill of the other as well:
One man who has sexual chemistry with you, AND heart, AND the intellect and maturity of a Gentleman.
The ultimate "defense moves" in dating and relationships then are
1. to stave off the true danger of choosing the wrong man - by enjoying the sexual tension without the sex act itself, and for as long as possible
2. to recognize that there are THREE phases to courtship, and only the man who fits all three will be the man for you, for life (or eternity)
3. and to cultivate the boundaries themselves, which set limits on the men who pursue you, compete with each other, and have all the charming and convincing sweet words that tempt you - as you see if the one with heart can develop maturity and commitment, or the mature, intellectual one can bring out his heart, rely more on and go more with his emotions, finally declaring them to you as Edward to Bella.
