Competition among males

[dhsoto]

Hi,
I was wondering when there's competition among two males for your attention what's best for the women to do, just continue to talk and flirt with both of them in front of each other? I'm feeling the tension in the room, and I don't really want to discourage the one I like, or turn him off, but I want to see if he will compete for me, does that make sense, or am I only going to piss him off more than he may already be?

[heartofagopi]

Do you have the 7th Sense Program?

Testing a man is supposed to be done with Observing Ego on high and YOU are the star in your own movie here. You do the tests when you feel confident that you feel he is either 1)ready to meet the challenge or 2) a man you may want to screen out and you need something to assure you that your intuition is correct.

But point #1 is the real reason.


The mature man of healthy boundaries ENJOYS a contest in which he feels he has won you! We "damsels" are not trapped in castle towers any more, so we create some fun challenge where we watch carefully to see how the man enjoys showing us he is our knight in shining armor.

If he shrinks...he will shrink at many challenges and implode multiple times in your life....retreating like a little boy.

Do you want to run and protect him from lifes challenges again and again and smother him with kisses?
If so...then you want to be his mommy. Be his woman! Let him feel like a man; more masculine because he won you over!

Get the 7th Sense program if you don't yet have it.

Heart

[dhsoto]

Hi I do have the seventh sense program. I had started flirting with his friend to see if I could get his attention (I was also considering him someone to get to know better/date as well.) Well that worked to get guy #1 (the one I like) attention he really has been paying alot more attention to me and the other guy I was flirting with won't even walk near me or even look at me when we are in the same room, so I was hoping that since he may have won this competition with the other male that it would bring us closer, but here's the thing now he asked me if we should take a break for a month, he said I could decide and let him know, I'm confused by what this Doc Love disciple is up to? Why would he try and win the competition and then change his mind? Kinda disappointing because guy #2 might have had some potential and now he's chased away. Any advice on how to move forward w/these two?

[janiceh]

Well, going by the Wikipedia summary of Doc Love's principles, he might be distancing himself to be a 'challenge' to you. Have you actually been dating....or has he just been paying you more attention? Not sure how you can have a break without actually dating, but just want to make sure we're on the same page here.

Chances are his 'switch' is because having won you, there was no further challenge and all that was inspired in him was the need to defeat the other man rather than win you per se. There is a difference. And it's also important to maintain the challenge factor with a man in order to maintain his enthusiasm. In other words, if having won a man a woman then suddenly stops being a challenge, he might lose interest/attraction.

Have you been dating him?

Guy No. 2 might be avoiding you because he felt he was being used.

[dhsoto]

In what ways can I be maintain the challenge factor in Guy No. 1? Should I try and talk w/Guy No. 2 again? No we are not dating just see each other in a professional setting regularly, but every time I start talking with someone else, he scares them off behind my back and then comes back at me w/"no" so you might be right maybe it's just him wanting to be the top dog, it's pretty confusing for me. I don't know maybe I am supposed to ask him out in his mind, but in mine I want to be asked out? He did mention that he was in my town recently w/a big smile on his face. I just keep getting mixed signals is there any movie or books you could recommend on challenges?

[janiceh]

There are lots of threads on this forum that talk about what being a challenge is/means. Maybe renew your membership here and we could discuss it in more depth?

Is this the same man who's been around for a long time? If it is, I would say that it's time you found someone else to spend your time on. If there have been no dates by now then there's something holding him back. If it's because he is of the mind that women should do the chasing/pursuing, then you're always going to be battling with that. It would appear he has confused what being 'challenging' means, also, not to mention is out of touch with what being masculine is. It is in his instincts to chase. He's displaying that by coming around every time you speak to other men. Whether he's aware of that is another thing. Either way he's had more than enough time to pull his finger out, so to speak, and ask you out - and he hasn't.

My recommendation? Re-new your membership....and let this guy go do what he does. Better to spend time focusing on men who are attracted enough to ask you out....and get on with the job, if they are. Seems to me you're wasting precious time and energy on this one. He's either playing games...or he's not interested/unavailable. Sorry.

[Paul Dobransky MD]

Hi,
I was wondering when there's competition among two males for your attention what's best for the women to do, just continue to talk and flirt with both of them in front of each other? I'm feeling the tension in the room, and I don't really want to discourage the one I like, or turn him off, but I want to see if he will compete for me, does that make sense, or am I only going to piss him off more than he may already be?

This is a great question and a chance for clarification about how men think and what they need.

First, it's far more likely for them to blame the other man rather than you about this kind of competition, and here's why: It's actually masculinizing for a man to get the chance to compete and win you over. A mature man and a masculine man will not at all fault you for this. He will welcome it is highly masculine and will understand it too, if mature.

So you see, doing this (which women naturally do - think of actresses from the Golden Age of film - Mae West etc - in their coquette-ish ways) - affords you an immediate chance to already be screening men for both masculinity and maturity.

This benefits you greatly, and accelerates what so many women want today - a quick read on men in a world where we are short on time to find love.

It's RAPID, and it's already built into your feminine instincts, which is to say that it's entirely NATURAL. The brain is a pretty advanced machine, and it's evolved this way for a reason - to benefit YOU, and to benefit MEN.

Robin Baker writes in his book, Sperm Wars, that the evolutionary process has led to a strange fact - that sperm have all kinds of roles and functions we didn't know about - they are actually diversified. There are "battle sperm" and "secret agent sperm" and finally, the one "victor" that actually contributes to a pregnancy.

None of which is meant to scare you - strange as it is - just to point out that eons ago it may have been actually likely that males and females were far more "libertine" shall we say than admitting today...
...and as a result, one man's sperm might do literal BATTLE with another man's sperm for dominance and the reproductive result of winning the battle to "make a baby" - to carry on the gene line of that man.

So isn't it interesting that today, still, that battle has moved "outside the body" to the arena of several men doing social battle for the attentions of one woman?

Take home message - let men do witty, competitive social "battle" for your attention. it benefits you, and them, and a man worth his salt will rise to the top, win, and not at all hold it against you.

The reverse. He will revere you for having "been man enough" to win you.

This is the THIRD STEP of Sexual Attraction detailed in the Seventh Sense Program at:

http://www.womenshappiness.com/courses/seventh-sense-program

...and our live trainings at:

http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-seminars

[heartofagopi]

A Timely Subject!

Its interesting you should mention this, Dr Paul, because just yesterday I saw the power of Man vs Man take place before my very eyes! It was perfection!

My friend Anna had been visiting and she finally decided to take better care of herself after holding out for a year or more, waiting for a long distance romantic interest to come back into her life. When they first met it was overwhelming for both of them....love at first sight....the stuff that romcoms are made of. Letters and emails and texts later, it did what you always predict it would do....It became a projection of their greastest and worst illusions about each other and relationship in general. Then "absence made the heart grow weaker" and it wore to a faded end.

They tried several times to revive it based on how powerful that memory was of their first encounter. Time and time again the man (I will call him Ron) told Anna that he was ready to make their reunion happen. Then, something always cancelled the plan. He needed to travel here or there for work and her hopes would soar high only to be disappointedly crashing again and again. Finally she became numb to his spurts of texts...and she quietly started dating.

She didn't find anyone like Ron right off the bat, but she felt feminized by the attention from men as you have suggested would happen. I was with her yesterday and her phone alert dinged and her face lit up because....it was Ron. They exchanged a few happy words and then I said to her "Text him that you are dating"....!!!

Her first reaction was, like many womens, that she would lose him forever as he would just feel rejected. She "sandwitched the line I am dating between two other light hearted sentences. He wrote back asap saying he wished her well and that the guys were lucky guys. Then he said he had to go because his brother just arrived. So, I told her that this showed he was not ever going to get it together to see her because a man can move a mountain if he wants.

She sighed and wrote back that she had wanted to see him, but had moved on because it never happened that their plans manifested before. Suddenly there was an amazing flurry of texts....long texts....all initiated by HIM about how he wanted so much to be with her, how he knew he could make it happen,etc etc. This went on for about 30 min and I suggested she not text back too quickly each time....so she spaced them out longer and longer....She went to take a shower and get ready for bed and he called....she didn't answer...."as if" she had already gone to bed. 4 more texts....she left them unanswered....but he was completely ready to commit to a real visit.

It was good we were buddies in this as she said she would have probably called HIM which would have put her as the seeker instead of the "sought". We will see what she does today, but it was fun to watch him become a man of action instead of a man of excuses and non commitment. Of course, if he is immature, he will revert to it again, which is what I am expecting, but I will watch and let her find that out herself.

The main thing is that we women don't realize how men love competition....and its a wonderous thing to watch. I feel she felt so much more powerful as a woman as a result of allowing him this opportunity. Also, dating made her realize that there was really a world of men out there. It was heartbreaking before to watch her clinging to every little drop of attention from one far away man!

Heart

[dhsoto]

I just renewed my membership. All of this is wonderful info, I'm learning so much with the 7th sense program, some of it's coming back to me from my younger years, but I truly dont have much dating experience as I married young. One funny thing I can tell you when you send out those submission signals to a room of guys they respond and they dont even know they are doing it! It's been almost comical to watch as I "test the waters." One thing that I've finally realized is that I really don't have to do anything in this scenerio as the guys do all the work and show me alot about themselves as my observing ego watches I'm curious if a guy hints around that they are having a problem with something (thats related to what I do for my work) and is seeking advice what type of personality might he be?

[janiceh]

Hi dhsoto, welcome back

Great to hear you're gaining so much insight from the Seventh Sense program and are enjoying seeing it play out in front of your eyes.

I'm curious if a guy hints around that they are having a problem with something (thats related to what I do for my work) and is seeking advice what type of personality might he be?

Think we might need some more info on this...can you give us a bit more background?

[dhsoto]

Really I don't have much detail I just think he know where I work and was trying to get some advice that in and of itself isn't much to go on to try and determine personality type. Do you think the Kwml ebook goes into anymore detail than the 7th sense or is it pretty much the same level of that and the how we fall in love book?

[janiceh]

No, the KWML ebook/Mastery Program goes into a lot more depth and helps you better define the types, so I'd recommend it if you want to get a better handle on your own type...and your best match