Dealing with grievances

[DEL]

Hello,

There's a strange pattern in my family. I have 8 sisters, mother and granma who are all lovers and magicians. Al the men in the family are lovers and unfortunately passed away. Basically all women left and we don't really get on at all. I am a Lover type and trying to deal with the memories of the incompatible marriages and deaths... and doing my best to distance myself from my family and surround myself with warriors. I managed to find good warrior friends and I feel so much better.

What's the best way to deal with grievances from your family?

Thank you

[janiceh]

Heavens elenadonchenko, that is an incredibly broad question.

In principle, there are many concepts within MindOS that would help you deal with family (or other) grievances. No doubt each are individual...although there may be common themes.

In the end, the main thing is to be clear about who you are, have good boundaries, and have win/win solutions in mind.

But if you want to know more, I suggest you purchase MindOS and KWML (if you don't already have them) or join the forum as a member so that you can explore your particular circumstances in more depth with Dr Paul and the team here.

[Paul Dobransky MD]

Sure, the thing I like to use is in MindOS Mastery at http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos, and is called "Boundary Triangles."

We don't control other people nor can we force individuals to get along. However, we can make friendship relations with them crystal clear by considering every connection to another as having it's own "boundary rules" and is a separate and distinct relationship unto itself, even if there is a mutual third party connection.

For example, two sisters and a brother-in-law where one is married to him and the other is the in-law can see a TRIANGLE of boundaries.

One between husband and wife, one between sisters, and a third between man and sister-in-law. All three relationships are separate and distinct, and each has to be honored with rules set, negotiation, collaboration, communication and compromise in all three separate areas.

Also all three are entirely in the right to send off the other person who is not IMMEDIATELY in the relationship or boundary in question to live their own life, as it is not their place to enforce rules or set boundaries in a relationship they are not an immediate part of.

e.g. husband can tell wife to go settle her differences with sister - it is none of his business. And wife can tell husband that her relationship with him is separate from how her sister treats her husband. They can then all be negotiated in peace, or at least without throwing blame and shame where it is not involved or appropriate.

That's a start anyway, on any family dynamic...

[DEL]

I recently bought Feminine Empowerment product and still waiting for it to arrive. I've read and watched ALL of your other products, and they helped me enormously.

There's one issue I cannot deal with. The thing is, I am the youngest of the females and frankly didn't receive much attention from anyone when i was a child. For example, all family friends and neighbours were always complementing my older sisters, let them speak, tell stories, perform, etc. When it came to me, I somehow had the old clothes, never had chance to speak or tell anything at all, my magician mum tried to make a queen out of me, and also I was kind of physically weak and very quiet. Now as Im an adult (Lover), I still find it surprising to receive attention at work for example (although I'm physically attractive).

I cannot get rid of this gap, this lost time that I could use to develop myself as a lover. My mother made sure I got an excellent education, but her comments to me even now hurt me a lot. Each time I tell her about anything at all, she kind of fights back saying that im young, don't know much in life (although im 25), basically things that hurt me when I was a child still hurt me. If I tell that I baked a cake, she'd get all competitive saying that she bakes better cakes, etc etc.

Im really stuck in this really unhealthy relationship with my mother. At one point I decided enough is enough and completely lost touch with my mum and all sisters for 1 year, and changed all my contact detail. In this time I found a very good job, became happier, started going out and meet people, have good plans for the future and became much more attractive and healthy.

But then I called my mum and we started talking again and again I feel frustration.

I do understand KWML very well, but it's beyond me, I really need your advise on this.

I'm now changing my job and beginning to "lightly" date warriors, found warrior friends, and I really don't want any psychological destructions and unresolved childhood issues. When I speak to my mother, i realise she really need a King in her life but she was married to a Lover for 25 years and now is single...

Thank you very much!

[Paul Dobransky MD]

You are referring to personality styles in the KWML Mastery Course at http://www.womenshappiness.com/kwml

The way around this problem of a mismatch in personality styles with a family member (we can't help whose children we are!) is to see that we all get "sisterhood," "brotherhood," "mothering," and "fathering" from VARIOUS people as we go through life, even if it takes the heroes we hold dear as sources of this.

You may need to grieve the lack of support from your mother, but in the meantime, seek out sources of "mothering" even if that comes from older female friends...

[DEL]

Thank you. Your support is very much appreciated.
I'm going to concentrate on enjoying life more and meeting new people.

[heartofagopi]

Dear DEL,

I feel for your situation and know that it seems like the mothering you got was not what you would have chosen in a more "fair" world. I would like to echo Dr Paul's great advise as well. You will have many opportunities to be mothered by others. This is the case in many tribes and other gatherings of anmials as well. Watch some of those old National Geographic of BBC nature films and behold how Mother Nature herself provides mothering from other elephants or birds etc.

The best attitude is one of forgiveness to whomever you ever feel to blame for what appears to be misfortune, but in truth is NOT....and...then use your INSTINCTS and seek security for your own survival as a Nurtured Woman. Mother yourself as you would like to be mothered and as you were advised, seek female friendships of those who will nourish you as you feel comfy.

Remember too there are many "elders" in every community. Wise and Shamanic women are all around us waiting to be our teachers. I have a good friend in a woman in her 90,s. She and I have long conversations about what she learned in her lifetime. Even with the passage of time and difference in upbringing, there are always morsels of wisdom I can apply to my own life.

Lastly, we can look to those who seemed to have neglected us or shortchanged us as parents and see how they can be our greatest teachers IN DISGUISE!! How did the lack create opportunity for growth of character? How did we become great inspite of poverty or "less than" in any area of our life.

Many lessons on Femininity can be gained from studying arhetypes. Stories of Great Women in your Complete Feminine Empowerment program and good boundary work from you Mind OS will make you strong. If we go into relationship expecting a man will make us whole...we might find ourselves asking him to make up for the losses we grieve.

I trust you will find your way. Stay with us on the Forum and join teleseminars and share there too. This is a great group of women here. We support each other with more than a kind word. We use tools/ Dr Paul's programs to build our feminine instincts and awareness.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Long Postingly Yours,

Heartofagopi