Hello all again....
Well 10 months later he emailed me "Sorry Janel I was an ass". Since I have no freekin' idea what men think, I need advice. What the heck does that mean? And why after 10 months he found a need to do that now (when he apologized many times before)? btw My response was "Long forgiven... but not forgotten. Don't worry about it. Appreciatated though."
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Me again.....
13 posts
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Me again.....
by janelje » Sun May 29, 2011 8:44 pm
- janelje
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Re: Me again.....
by janiceh » Tue May 31, 2011 5:34 am
Hi Janel, it's good to hear from you.
I guess none of us can speak for him on this, but I'd be inclined to think that the initial apologies were more 'superficial', if you like. By that I mean he knew you were upset and hurt and at some level he felt bad about that, so apologised, but maybe didn't fully understand your feelings or his actions and how they lead to your 'hurt'.
Now 10 months on, he's had a long time to reflect, might have had other experiences and/or epiphanies in his life that enable him to look back on it and see more clearly why he did what he did...and how that impacted on you. My interpretation would be that this is a more meaningful apology, said without any pressure, expectations or other. He could be testing the waters, too, but you'll soon know if that's the case by any future contact.
I think when a man like him is in a situation where he cares for a woman, but is not in the right 'place'...or has his own doubts/fears/resistance/barriers to 'relationships', and knows that the woman he's seeing has fallen for him and wants that...then the pressure he feels can cause him to react in ways that are very hurtful to the woman, but are not necessarily an indication of his feelings for her as such. Maybe with the 10 months he not only was able to work through it all in his own mind, but also felt 'safe' at expressing his regret at what happened/what he did. In other words, it doesn't necessarily mean that anything's changed other than the fact that he cared/cares enough to want you to know that he's genuinely sorry.
If you don't hear from him again, then that's likely (IMO) all it is. If he starts contacting you again, then he might be considering getting together again. Have your OE switched on very much if the latter happens to see if he's shifted at all in terms of what he has to offer you....or wants to offer you.
Other than that, it's a nice thing for him to do - and presumably a nice thing for you to receive. I'm sure it helps you a lot to know that he has been thinking about you and cares enough to let you know he has his regrets, too.
I guess none of us can speak for him on this, but I'd be inclined to think that the initial apologies were more 'superficial', if you like. By that I mean he knew you were upset and hurt and at some level he felt bad about that, so apologised, but maybe didn't fully understand your feelings or his actions and how they lead to your 'hurt'.
Now 10 months on, he's had a long time to reflect, might have had other experiences and/or epiphanies in his life that enable him to look back on it and see more clearly why he did what he did...and how that impacted on you. My interpretation would be that this is a more meaningful apology, said without any pressure, expectations or other. He could be testing the waters, too, but you'll soon know if that's the case by any future contact.
I think when a man like him is in a situation where he cares for a woman, but is not in the right 'place'...or has his own doubts/fears/resistance/barriers to 'relationships', and knows that the woman he's seeing has fallen for him and wants that...then the pressure he feels can cause him to react in ways that are very hurtful to the woman, but are not necessarily an indication of his feelings for her as such. Maybe with the 10 months he not only was able to work through it all in his own mind, but also felt 'safe' at expressing his regret at what happened/what he did. In other words, it doesn't necessarily mean that anything's changed other than the fact that he cared/cares enough to want you to know that he's genuinely sorry.
If you don't hear from him again, then that's likely (IMO) all it is. If he starts contacting you again, then he might be considering getting together again. Have your OE switched on very much if the latter happens to see if he's shifted at all in terms of what he has to offer you....or wants to offer you.
Other than that, it's a nice thing for him to do - and presumably a nice thing for you to receive. I'm sure it helps you a lot to know that he has been thinking about you and cares enough to let you know he has his regrets, too.
- janiceh
- Women's Happiness Coach
- Posts: 227
- Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:55 am
Re: Me again.....
by Paul Dobransky MD » Tue May 31, 2011 11:03 am
Agreed, superficial, then real apology.
What I have to offer personally, scientifically, and on this site as opposed to other sites is what the male instincts are in this - WHY men do this and say this.
Most often, they are letting their NATURAL instincts show, but often they are not understood or accepted in those instincts.
Truth be told, ALL instincts, male and female, need to be modulated - controlled, channeled, redirected to good ends - using boundaries, constructive decisions, win/win behavior and maturity.
In other words, what makes people BAD, and have BAD BEHAVIOR, is not being male or female, but LACKING the boundaries, constructive decision making and maturity that is systematically taught to you as a system in MindOS Mastery at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos
As a result, many men - imperfect as women are - sometimes let out their "animal instinct" - masculine instincts that make perfect sense to other men but not women.
Then, if they realize they really want the woman, or have somehow offended her, or are misunderstood especially, will "stuff" natural feelings or instincts, and then genuinely apologize for what amounts to normal male behavior, but what they really ought to apologize for is the momentary lack of boundaries or decisions (regardless of gender or being male.)
This is a mistake on their part, and carries with it, resentment for having had to "walk with the tail between the legs"- for the very reason that it is shaming to them - which is the same as diminished masculinity - which is the same as feeling and being less attractive, less attracted, but realizing they want to preserve the friendship and or commitment phase of the relationship talked about in great detail at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program
...capitulate, and self-negate or stuff the normal masculine instinct part of interactions - apologizing for "being a jerk" - which might be perceived by you as being a nice change of colors, but in fact carries with it even LESS sexual attraction for you than before. Even though it is a nice testament to how much the man values your friendship and commitments between you.
Look at any marriage that has been troubled by infidelity to see this effect in BOLD.
I suspect this downward spiral is nearly universal in all cheating or eventual cheating.
Women hold the KEY to stopping the cycle.
Two things:
Did you ever notice there are men who are "nice" but whom eventually you aren't as hot for?
And did you notice that some men who are "jerks" you hate as friends and would never commit to, but you are still irresistibly attracted to, or want to change, or fix, or attract?
The TWILIGHT films are this very fantasy and honor this instinct in women. All it is happens to be just sexual attraction dynamics in isolation. Not friendship. Not commitment. Those films are a fantasy about how sexual attraction could be made equivalent or turned into friendship or commitment - that they are equivalent or related.
They are NOT. These three covered in the Seventh Sense Program are utterly unrelated. Yet they form the three phases of courtship - sexual, emotional and intellectual attraction, or desire, friendship and partnership:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program
However, did you ever hear of a male calling a woman "cool"? It simply means that she understands men, accepts (not just tolerates) male instincts, and even LIKES them FOR those instincts.
Some French women have this perspective. It's a kind of "boys will be boys" attitude. As a result, they have more sex, more solid relationships, and are more desired by men.
American culture does not understand or live by this mutual gender understanding at all, and we suffer for it.
Okay, well there's plenty to think of there. It's all in MindOS and the Seventh Sense.
Special note: this post is not up for debate or "opinion." It's informational, and solidly grounded in the science of courtship, psychodynamics, and gender studies.
What is up for debate is the particular style, actions, conversations, and understanding you want to bring to the table to contend with this set of biological facts.
Enjoy.
What I have to offer personally, scientifically, and on this site as opposed to other sites is what the male instincts are in this - WHY men do this and say this.
Most often, they are letting their NATURAL instincts show, but often they are not understood or accepted in those instincts.
Truth be told, ALL instincts, male and female, need to be modulated - controlled, channeled, redirected to good ends - using boundaries, constructive decisions, win/win behavior and maturity.
In other words, what makes people BAD, and have BAD BEHAVIOR, is not being male or female, but LACKING the boundaries, constructive decision making and maturity that is systematically taught to you as a system in MindOS Mastery at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos
As a result, many men - imperfect as women are - sometimes let out their "animal instinct" - masculine instincts that make perfect sense to other men but not women.
Then, if they realize they really want the woman, or have somehow offended her, or are misunderstood especially, will "stuff" natural feelings or instincts, and then genuinely apologize for what amounts to normal male behavior, but what they really ought to apologize for is the momentary lack of boundaries or decisions (regardless of gender or being male.)
This is a mistake on their part, and carries with it, resentment for having had to "walk with the tail between the legs"- for the very reason that it is shaming to them - which is the same as diminished masculinity - which is the same as feeling and being less attractive, less attracted, but realizing they want to preserve the friendship and or commitment phase of the relationship talked about in great detail at:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program
...capitulate, and self-negate or stuff the normal masculine instinct part of interactions - apologizing for "being a jerk" - which might be perceived by you as being a nice change of colors, but in fact carries with it even LESS sexual attraction for you than before. Even though it is a nice testament to how much the man values your friendship and commitments between you.
Look at any marriage that has been troubled by infidelity to see this effect in BOLD.
I suspect this downward spiral is nearly universal in all cheating or eventual cheating.
Women hold the KEY to stopping the cycle.
Two things:
Did you ever notice there are men who are "nice" but whom eventually you aren't as hot for?
And did you notice that some men who are "jerks" you hate as friends and would never commit to, but you are still irresistibly attracted to, or want to change, or fix, or attract?
The TWILIGHT films are this very fantasy and honor this instinct in women. All it is happens to be just sexual attraction dynamics in isolation. Not friendship. Not commitment. Those films are a fantasy about how sexual attraction could be made equivalent or turned into friendship or commitment - that they are equivalent or related.
They are NOT. These three covered in the Seventh Sense Program are utterly unrelated. Yet they form the three phases of courtship - sexual, emotional and intellectual attraction, or desire, friendship and partnership:
http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program
However, did you ever hear of a male calling a woman "cool"? It simply means that she understands men, accepts (not just tolerates) male instincts, and even LIKES them FOR those instincts.
Some French women have this perspective. It's a kind of "boys will be boys" attitude. As a result, they have more sex, more solid relationships, and are more desired by men.
American culture does not understand or live by this mutual gender understanding at all, and we suffer for it.
Okay, well there's plenty to think of there. It's all in MindOS and the Seventh Sense.
Special note: this post is not up for debate or "opinion." It's informational, and solidly grounded in the science of courtship, psychodynamics, and gender studies.
What is up for debate is the particular style, actions, conversations, and understanding you want to bring to the table to contend with this set of biological facts.
Enjoy.
-
Paul Dobransky MD - Director & Mentor
- Posts: 940
- Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:41 am
Re: Me again.....
by heartofagopi » Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:57 am
Hi again, Janel.
You know...your situation was of great interest to me before....and even more so now. I will tell you why...
In a way, to me personally, it is as if all the world's a stage....etc
Every time you wrote in the past and describe the hot/cold ever changing and confusing temperature of your relationship....I saw myself as if in a mirror from a time in the past. And, I wondered why I, as a woman, allowed myself to remain in so much uncertainty. I wondered why I selected, what appeared to be "good men" but men, who along with ME created many, many confusing scenes in our "play".
And, in the end....surprise...they too offered an apology....
Not a full hearted, progressive one...but one like you have received. It kind of appears to let you off the hook for being part of the play and kind of suggests that the man is sorry HIS part was that of an immature person. But, from what I have learned "like attracts like" and I want to be the woman now who knows when the drama starts and how to stop the relationship from being intolerable and distressing much MUCH earlier.
The above is about "me" and how your story ressonated with mine.
I feel that Dr. Paul and Janice have offered excellent responses. I am curious about what your feelings are and what you have learned from this? How will it change the way you manage yourSelf in relationship in the future? Are you currently in a relationship and does it seem healthier or does it have any "scenes" that resemble your past one?
Your case was a good one for a lot of us here. The man gave you his resources and took them away like a card shark. It was all. Very "slight of hand" and no one is blaming you....or him for that matter...for what happened.
But many of us would like to avoid such relationships early in the story and I feel that when KWML is right and sexual attraction is super charged it is much harder for a woman to see clearly enough to do very serious screening and editing! Its the place Dr Paul always reminds us we may be and how much easier it will be if we screen the man out early if he is immature or of weak boundaries.
We are all usually so thrilled to have found someone THAT awesome....that we start baking cookies and adjusting our time and interests to suit HIM.
I remember you wanted to learn Dr Paul's programs back then so you could become the kind of woman the man wanted.
Now, I hope you are here and will study with us to become the kind of woman YOU want to be!!
It was great chatting with you. Please do join us in study and teleseminars and let's all help each other to use our Observing Ego. Mind OS!!!
Hope you get it if you don't yet have it.
Love
Heart
You know...your situation was of great interest to me before....and even more so now. I will tell you why...
In a way, to me personally, it is as if all the world's a stage....etc
Every time you wrote in the past and describe the hot/cold ever changing and confusing temperature of your relationship....I saw myself as if in a mirror from a time in the past. And, I wondered why I, as a woman, allowed myself to remain in so much uncertainty. I wondered why I selected, what appeared to be "good men" but men, who along with ME created many, many confusing scenes in our "play".
And, in the end....surprise...they too offered an apology....
Not a full hearted, progressive one...but one like you have received. It kind of appears to let you off the hook for being part of the play and kind of suggests that the man is sorry HIS part was that of an immature person. But, from what I have learned "like attracts like" and I want to be the woman now who knows when the drama starts and how to stop the relationship from being intolerable and distressing much MUCH earlier.
The above is about "me" and how your story ressonated with mine.
I feel that Dr. Paul and Janice have offered excellent responses. I am curious about what your feelings are and what you have learned from this? How will it change the way you manage yourSelf in relationship in the future? Are you currently in a relationship and does it seem healthier or does it have any "scenes" that resemble your past one?
Your case was a good one for a lot of us here. The man gave you his resources and took them away like a card shark. It was all. Very "slight of hand" and no one is blaming you....or him for that matter...for what happened.
But many of us would like to avoid such relationships early in the story and I feel that when KWML is right and sexual attraction is super charged it is much harder for a woman to see clearly enough to do very serious screening and editing! Its the place Dr Paul always reminds us we may be and how much easier it will be if we screen the man out early if he is immature or of weak boundaries.
We are all usually so thrilled to have found someone THAT awesome....that we start baking cookies and adjusting our time and interests to suit HIM.
I remember you wanted to learn Dr Paul's programs back then so you could become the kind of woman the man wanted.
Now, I hope you are here and will study with us to become the kind of woman YOU want to be!!
It was great chatting with you. Please do join us in study and teleseminars and let's all help each other to use our Observing Ego. Mind OS!!!
Hope you get it if you don't yet have it.
Love
Heart
-
heartofagopi - Full Member
- Posts: 980
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:23 pm
Re: Me again.....
by janelje » Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:36 pm
Well he contacted me again via email. He said he finally opened the box I sent him last summer and started reading the stuff I wrote. Box contained his stuff etc and a print out of the questions I posted on this site and replies posted by many. I don't know why I did it. But done. He said he let it sit so long because he "couldn't face it". Well that's the answer to why now, he apologized. Strangly, he said he put my picture up on the mantel. He said he saw me at IKEA once and ran the other way. He also said "maybe when the garden goes all crazy you can come and take a look".
Somehow this is all I needed. I was so distraught before because I did not know if he was playing me all along. Even if we never see each other, I feel good. I truely believe he did have true feelings etc he just didn't know how to have a relationship. That mean a lot to me. Just knowing that. I probably will never know why he decided to end it but I am ok with that. I just needed to know that I wasn't hopeless in the feeling dept. I truely felt somthing with him - more than I had with anyone- and hell I have been MARRIED! I thought that if I 'made up' the feeling coming back from him that I was hopeless. That I could not from now to the end of my time EVER trust my feelings again because they were so wrong. Just a few days before the contact, I made the decision that I would be alone for life. That it just wasn't meant for me. So this gives me a hope that I can trust my feelings and hopefully find someone.
Somehow this is all I needed. I was so distraught before because I did not know if he was playing me all along. Even if we never see each other, I feel good. I truely believe he did have true feelings etc he just didn't know how to have a relationship. That mean a lot to me. Just knowing that. I probably will never know why he decided to end it but I am ok with that. I just needed to know that I wasn't hopeless in the feeling dept. I truely felt somthing with him - more than I had with anyone- and hell I have been MARRIED! I thought that if I 'made up' the feeling coming back from him that I was hopeless. That I could not from now to the end of my time EVER trust my feelings again because they were so wrong. Just a few days before the contact, I made the decision that I would be alone for life. That it just wasn't meant for me. So this gives me a hope that I can trust my feelings and hopefully find someone.
- janelje
- Full Member
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:23 pm
- Location: MN
Re: Me again.....
by heartofagopi » Tue Jun 07, 2011 10:21 pm
Interesting....
This is ALL about our relationship with our SELVES.
It just plays out with men. Sometimes we let someone ELSE show us how we treat ourselves.
I've watched my girlfriends. Some of them would never go without a good meal and some will eat old leftovers....
Some let people say rude things to them....some just walk away and don't even bother...
Its all very interesting how we place value.
Take care Janel. I hope you treat yourself kindly and appreciate the woman you have become.
It will all be better next time.
You have grown and you have made progress. That's all that's important.
Love
Heart
This is ALL about our relationship with our SELVES.
It just plays out with men. Sometimes we let someone ELSE show us how we treat ourselves.
I've watched my girlfriends. Some of them would never go without a good meal and some will eat old leftovers....
Some let people say rude things to them....some just walk away and don't even bother...
Its all very interesting how we place value.
Take care Janel. I hope you treat yourself kindly and appreciate the woman you have become.
It will all be better next time.
You have grown and you have made progress. That's all that's important.
Love
Heart
-
heartofagopi - Full Member
- Posts: 980
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:23 pm
Re: Me again.....
by Tobi » Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:18 am
Hi Janel:
This was beautiful to read. I'm so happy to see this.
Regards,
Tobi
This was beautiful to read. I'm so happy to see this.
Regards,
Tobi
-
Tobi - Posts: 61
- Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:23 pm
Re: Me again.....
by Tobi » Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:29 am
Dr. Paul:
What do you mean by this?
"but in fact carries with it even LESS sexual attraction for you than before. Even though it is a nice testament to how much the man values your friendship and commitments between you."
Do you mean they hold us in even less esteem then before they left?
What do you mean by this?
"but in fact carries with it even LESS sexual attraction for you than before. Even though it is a nice testament to how much the man values your friendship and commitments between you."
Do you mean they hold us in even less esteem then before they left?
-
Tobi - Posts: 61
- Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:23 pm
Re: Me again.....
by janelje » Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:52 pm
Well I have been reading his blog on the mens site. I think the apology to me was an effort for good karma so he would get an apology from her. I am very glad though that it hit me a few days ago we were never right for each other. Truely hit me. Yes it took awhile. Of courses when he contacted me I had grandiose illusions of us etc. But the anxiety came back. Then I realized we were so wrong. This new gf right after me btw broke his heart like he did mine. He contacted me soon after. What happened to a gf was a distraction? And he needed to get his Shit together? I am not
mad not sad just done. Finally done after so long. I was nothing to him. He threw me away with a bunch of lies to soon find another. I've wasted too much time too many emotions.
_
mad not sad just done. Finally done after so long. I was nothing to him. He threw me away with a bunch of lies to soon find another. I've wasted too much time too many emotions.
_
- janelje
- Full Member
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:23 pm
- Location: MN
Re: Me again.....
by janiceh » Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:57 am
Janel, in complete sincerity, I don't believe you were 'nothing' to him.
As you said, you'd already worked out that you were wrong for each other. I went and read his blog entry after reading your post here and in some respects he says it all in the first para, ie he found someone who provided the answers to his reticence to get involved with someone (or words to that effect). In other words, the dynamics between you two were not what worked for you two. That does NOT mean you were nothing to him. Please don't self flagellate like that because it really only harms you and we're talking about two people here.
If you were nothing to him, he would not have not been able to face what was in the box. If you were nothing to him, he wouldn't have cared less about what was in the box and probably would have thrown it out months ago and forgotten all about it.
Maybe his own heartache about this woman enabled him to relate to your own feelings in your breakup? Maybe he was able to feel how bad it felt for you? OK, not what you might want, but it's possible.
From memory, you were only recently out of your marriage. In all likelihood, you were NOWHERE NEAR ready for a relationship. This has been a really hard, heartbreaking lesson for you, but if you can rise above the "I was nothing" mindset, you will see many, many very valuable lessons in all of this for you.
As we discussed back then, there were red flags all over the place in this relationship, right from very early on. They made you very anxious and insecure. You reacted/behaved in a way that a person does when that's happened. That, in turn, had an impact on the relationship overall.
The relationship also drove you to become a member of this forum and learn about male/female psyches, the courtship process etc.
So in reality, when you next start dating again, you will be wiser, you will be more savvy, you will see the red flags and take notice of them, you will not let yourself get into a relationship where you're doing all the running. There are so many things you have learned....but you maybe haven't yet really 'seen' due to all the hurt.
You will see them one day and you will grow tremendously as a result of all of this, IF you can let go of the negativity around what was really a relationship that just didn't work between two people.
And one day you'll meet someone who will be right for you and you'll realise with even greater clarity that not only was Tony not right for you, but that the relationship taught you so much and helped to make you the woman you are today (then) such that you are able to attract and be happy with a great guy who is right for you and you for him.
Hang in there and trust in all of that. Don't look back now other than to reflect on it from a growth perspective. It WILL be OK. And you WILL start to see that you can, indeed, trust your judgment and feelings with all that experience under your belt and behind you.
As you said, you'd already worked out that you were wrong for each other. I went and read his blog entry after reading your post here and in some respects he says it all in the first para, ie he found someone who provided the answers to his reticence to get involved with someone (or words to that effect). In other words, the dynamics between you two were not what worked for you two. That does NOT mean you were nothing to him. Please don't self flagellate like that because it really only harms you and we're talking about two people here.
If you were nothing to him, he would not have not been able to face what was in the box. If you were nothing to him, he wouldn't have cared less about what was in the box and probably would have thrown it out months ago and forgotten all about it.
Maybe his own heartache about this woman enabled him to relate to your own feelings in your breakup? Maybe he was able to feel how bad it felt for you? OK, not what you might want, but it's possible.
From memory, you were only recently out of your marriage. In all likelihood, you were NOWHERE NEAR ready for a relationship. This has been a really hard, heartbreaking lesson for you, but if you can rise above the "I was nothing" mindset, you will see many, many very valuable lessons in all of this for you.
As we discussed back then, there were red flags all over the place in this relationship, right from very early on. They made you very anxious and insecure. You reacted/behaved in a way that a person does when that's happened. That, in turn, had an impact on the relationship overall.
The relationship also drove you to become a member of this forum and learn about male/female psyches, the courtship process etc.
So in reality, when you next start dating again, you will be wiser, you will be more savvy, you will see the red flags and take notice of them, you will not let yourself get into a relationship where you're doing all the running. There are so many things you have learned....but you maybe haven't yet really 'seen' due to all the hurt.
You will see them one day and you will grow tremendously as a result of all of this, IF you can let go of the negativity around what was really a relationship that just didn't work between two people.
And one day you'll meet someone who will be right for you and you'll realise with even greater clarity that not only was Tony not right for you, but that the relationship taught you so much and helped to make you the woman you are today (then) such that you are able to attract and be happy with a great guy who is right for you and you for him.
Hang in there and trust in all of that. Don't look back now other than to reflect on it from a growth perspective. It WILL be OK. And you WILL start to see that you can, indeed, trust your judgment and feelings with all that experience under your belt and behind you.
- janiceh
- Women's Happiness Coach
- Posts: 227
- Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:55 am
Re: Me again.....
by janelje » Thu Jun 30, 2011 6:42 pm
Thanks Janice
I know I get a little worked up at times and get so down on myself. I know all those things. I know we weren't right. Actually for the first time in a looong time, I want to date. I am turning on the switch as I call it. To add that, I told him I couldn't communicate as friends. He was texting me. I can't be a casual friend. Too hard. I feel kind of bad about that. But it is the best. Finally it is done. Looking forward to the next chapter of my life.
ps. When others come to this site for guidance, feel free to us me as an example. I feared him breaking up with me- he did and I am still alive. I feared him finding someone he loved more than me- he did and I am still alive. I had pain that ripped through me like I never experienced before in my life- and I am still alive. I cried every single day for months - and I am still alive. It can be done. There is a light on the other side and it can be reached.
I know I get a little worked up at times and get so down on myself. I know all those things. I know we weren't right. Actually for the first time in a looong time, I want to date. I am turning on the switch as I call it. To add that, I told him I couldn't communicate as friends. He was texting me. I can't be a casual friend. Too hard. I feel kind of bad about that. But it is the best. Finally it is done. Looking forward to the next chapter of my life.
ps. When others come to this site for guidance, feel free to us me as an example. I feared him breaking up with me- he did and I am still alive. I feared him finding someone he loved more than me- he did and I am still alive. I had pain that ripped through me like I never experienced before in my life- and I am still alive. I cried every single day for months - and I am still alive. It can be done. There is a light on the other side and it can be reached.
- janelje
- Full Member
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- Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:23 pm
- Location: MN
Re: Me again.....
by janiceh » Thu Jun 30, 2011 8:34 pm
Well, that last para is very inspiring Janel. While those fears feel akin to the fear of death, to go through that and realise it's not the same, is a huge step towards a stronger and less fearful life. Well done on that 
Re the friends thing....you're absolutely right on that. There's no way that being friends is good for you right now, if ever. Just stands to prolong the anguish.
Glad to hear you're starting to want to date again. That's a great sign. It will likely also show you how far you've come in all of this - not to mention, of course, having some FUN!! You've had the year from hell....now time for some laughter and joy.....
Re the friends thing....you're absolutely right on that. There's no way that being friends is good for you right now, if ever. Just stands to prolong the anguish.
Glad to hear you're starting to want to date again. That's a great sign. It will likely also show you how far you've come in all of this - not to mention, of course, having some FUN!! You've had the year from hell....now time for some laughter and joy.....
- janiceh
- Women's Happiness Coach
- Posts: 227
- Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:55 am
Rise up.
by ArtMuse » Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:40 am
So good to have you here with us Janel, regardless of the reason.
Yes, you didn't die. You are stronger and wiser. You see with new eyes, and a clearer perspective.
Tend to yourself now ~ love yourself.
Take a deep breath, go for a walk, take a nice bath, get a mani-pedi, read your Dr. Paul materials, take a mini-vacation with a trusted girlfriend. Just take care of Janel.
xoxo
Yes, you didn't die. You are stronger and wiser. You see with new eyes, and a clearer perspective.
Tend to yourself now ~ love yourself.
Take a deep breath, go for a walk, take a nice bath, get a mani-pedi, read your Dr. Paul materials, take a mini-vacation with a trusted girlfriend. Just take care of Janel.
xoxo
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." ~ Charlie Brown
http://www.womenshappiness.com/complete ... mpowerment
Lover ~ 36%, Warrior ~ 29%, Queen ~ 21%, Magician ~ 14%
http://www.womenshappiness.com/complete ... mpowerment
Lover ~ 36%, Warrior ~ 29%, Queen ~ 21%, Magician ~ 14%
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ArtMuse - Women's Happiness Coach
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- Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:48 pm
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