My Magician has just lost his mother..

[alison]

Hey Guys, you helped me out a few years ago when embarking on my long distance relationship. I know its not a great situation and one that Dr. Paul doesn't really agree with and I must admit nor me in an ideal world but you just can't help who you fall in love with eh!

Anyway, the two of us have found some really good middle ground and openly speak of times when it would be possible to close the distant gap so all's good there.

What I have come to you guys for is a little help in understanding a man with strong family values, excellent boundaries and is most definitely a magician when grieving. It is still only a few days since he lost his mother to a traumatic Gastric Cancer that she had had to fight almost a year. I am leaning back at the moment I have told him that I am here when he needs me but have not heard from him since.
Now I am very much a Queen. I understand from my own experiences, the shock that one can experience losing a parent. I was not in a relationship and was fairly withdrawn but kept up the front of every day expectations.
I would like to know if leaning back is the right thing to do for him. How will he be dealing with it? These are times when distance creates difficulties. I cannot see and there fore judge his needs.

I hope I have given a clear picture and welcome any advice you may have.
Wishing you all Peace and Happiness
Alison

[Paul Dobransky MD]

Sure, first off i generally say no long distance only with some qualifications: if it only begins that way, not if you've been together substantially in person at the beginning. And secondly, as a statistical likelihood, not each and every individual case. This latter thing is important, because there are always outliers to an average, and I have to speak to a multitude of women even as I speak you you as individuals.

Ok, now the man challenged issue. We've been covering it on the special teleseminars of the last three nights.

A challenged man needs a uniue combo of BOTH solitude to solve his problems and still feel masculine, but also to know you "care from afar" at the same time, and haven't abandoned him. This is the perfect attractive combo which he will remember for a very very long time, and come running back after he has solved his problem.

http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program

This being said, a unique extra condition is based in his Magician Temperament. When left alone, a King wants to go study his problem, a Warrior wants to go do direct battle with his problem, a Lover wants to go philosophize about his problem and review the story of his problem, emoting about his problem, and a Magician wants to go wander in the wilderness, nature, the urban jungle and get lost, maybe riding a cab around like George Clooney at the end of Michael Clayton, the film.

KWML fully explained in the KWML Mastery:

http://www.womenshappiness.com/kwml

They need to do this ALONE, and occasionally remember how much you care and support from afar.

That's in the Seventh Sense Program:

http://www.womenshappiness.com/seventh-sense-program

[heartofagopi]

Hello Alison,
Your question and Dr Paul's reply were of great interest to me. I recognized the quality of meandering in Nature or the Urban Jungle in myself, and in some men I know, as a means of processing. I love to walk the labyrinth in our local park. It just is a way to meander...when one can't go far. Also love the woods/nature preserve when time permits. But the ah-ha experience was reading about the walking in the Urban Jungle! ....I used to tell people I needed to wander the streets or the shops to let my mind go out to sea. Some friends could not understand how that form of activity was peaceful. Its not about buying anything....its the mindlessness of browsing that does it.
I was getting a pedicure when I read this reply from Dr Paul, and oddly enough, was just about to offer myself a morning of "contemplation"....a wander on the streets...

Now I get "why"...I am trying to resolve an issue.

I like that you are mature enough,Alison, to want to offer your boyfriend the gift of time while you step back out of the mix until he invites you in. I hope you will join us on the forum and let us know how things unfold in your story.

We'd like to have you share more with us here in the future.

Thanks
Heartofagopi