How can we get courage?

[duniadickey]

I understand that courage is the only constructive way out of anxiety, but how can we get courage?

By learning about the anger and anxiety maps, I've realized that most of my life, I've been dealing with both anger and anxiety in destructive ways.

With anger, I haven't been assertive in getting my needs met -- I've been passive and as a result have been depressed on and off for many years.

With anxiety, which is a huge problem for me, I realize that I've dealt with it through avoidance, impulsiveness, addictions, and worrying/ masochism/ self-pity/ feeling like a victim.

Although theoretically I understand that courage is the only way out, and courage is doing the right thing no matter how it feels, how do I find courage? I just want to avoid anxiety and dealing with stress and challenges, and I find myself being really passive right now, and it feels awful -- I don't feel alive. I'm living at home in Virginia with my family right now and feel anxious about looking for work and moving back to nyc, and I can't seem to muster the courage to actually update my resume and start looking for jobs. I used to be a confident and courageous person, once upon a time, but I seem to have lost my ambition and confidence over the last couple of years, and specifically as a result of losing my job last year and my relationship falling apart (losses). Alcoholism is also part of my story. I got sober over three years ago, and I now realize that this was a particularly destructive way of dealing with anxiety. However, the underlying anxiety is still there, and now I no longer have this particular means of escape. I still want to escape the anxiety, however.

I also understand that if I do courage, my confidence will go up. But how do I get courage in the first place? I've already wasted months in this avoidant, passive anxious place, and I can't seem to get out of it. I don't know what my purpose is and what my next step should be exactly (except I know I want to move back to nyc, but I need to find a job first in order to make that move). I now realize that I lost my last job largely as the result of my inability to deal with anxiety constructively. I'm scared that if I do find another job, the same thing will happen again. Also, I feel that I don't have the energy to throw myself back into the work world without a relationship and I'm scared if I go back into another law firm, I will once again be in a situation where I'm stressed out all the time, miserable, with no energy or time to date (which is one of the reasons I hated my previous job). So I've just been stuck in indecision and inaction, which I realize is draining me of life.

How can I find the courage to move forward with my career and my life? My fears seem overwhelming and paralyzing at times.

[Paul Dobransky MD]

I understand that courage is the only constructive way out of anxiety, but how can we get courage?

By learning about the anger and anxiety maps, I've realized that most of my life, I've been dealing with both anger and anxiety in destructive ways.

With anger, I haven't been assertive in getting my needs met -- I've been passive and as a result have been depressed on and off for many years.

With anxiety, which is a huge problem for me, I realize that I've dealt with it through avoidance, impulsiveness, addictions, and worrying/ masochism/ self-pity/ feeling like a victim.

Although theoretically I understand that courage is the only way out, and courage is doing the right thing no matter how it feels, how do I find courage? I just want to avoid anxiety and dealing with stress and challenges, and I find myself being really passive right now, and it feels awful -- I don't feel alive. I'm living at home in Virginia with my family right now and feel anxious about looking for work and moving back to nyc, and I can't seem to muster the courage to actually update my resume and start looking for jobs. I used to be a confident and courageous person, once upon a time, but I seem to have lost my ambition and confidence over the last couple of years, and specifically as a result of losing my job last year and my relationship falling apart (losses). Alcoholism is also part of my story. I got sober over three years ago, and I now realize that this was a particularly destructive way of dealing with anxiety. However, the underlying anxiety is still there, and now I no longer have this particular means of escape. I still want to escape the anxiety, however.

I also understand that if I do courage, my confidence will go up. But how do I get courage in the first place? I've already wasted months in this avoidant, passive anxious place, and I can't seem to get out of it. I don't know what my purpose is and what my next step should be exactly (except I know I want to move back to nyc, but I need to find a job first in order to make that move). I now realize that I lost my last job largely as the result of my inability to deal with anxiety constructively. I'm scared that if I do find another job, the same thing will happen again. Also, I feel that I don't have the energy to throw myself back into the work world without a relationship and I'm scared if I go back into another law firm, I will once again be in a situation where I'm stressed out all the time, miserable, with no energy or time to date (which is one of the reasons I hated my previous job). So I've just been stuck in indecision and inaction, which I realize is draining me of life.

How can I find the courage to move forward with my career and my life? My fears seem overwhelming and paralyzing at times.

Exactly right. This is the purpose of the Anger Map and Anxiety Map in MindOS Mastery at http://www.womenshappiness.com/mindos

Courage is easy, and built into you. It's not the same as fearlessness or bravery. It's simply a DECISION. And anyone, no matter how low, or fearful, can make a decision that is right. If you have arms and legs and a mouth, one can always do courage - that's the beauty of it.

And it has a GUARANTEE from the Anxiety Map - when you do it, you literally manufacture confidence.

How do you know the right thing to do? Well that's the purpose of conscience (ethics) and intuition (shrewdness) also addressed in MindOS.

A quick guide is "what is everyone else I respect doing? I need to do that too." Afraid to break up? Are others breaking up? Then I can too. Do others do public speaking? Yes? If so then I can too. Fear of planes, dogs, elevators, heights? If others do it you can too. When they DON'T, then that's the time to not do it too - like flying during extreme terrorism or bad weather if NOBODY else does.

In fact, you can use courage on ANYTHING that is not life threatening. To do otherwise is FOOLHARDY not courageous.

And lastly, it's not emotionally EASY to do, but it's PHYSICALLY easy to do. So you suck it up, bolstered by the GUARANTEE, that with courage, there is CONFIDENCE on the other end, and that's even if you don't get what you want in the end. It's the ACT of doing it, not the specific RESULT of the courage, that counts (because of boundaries we can't guarantee that the world does whatever we want it to - that's called "magical thinking" when it happens.)

Okay well i'm starting to literally quote pages out of MindOS Mastery, so I'd better stop now - can't do that every time. But that's the meaning.

[cosmicnun]

duniadickey,
Have I got one for you, girl!

If you've ever listened to MindOS, Dr. Paul mentions a modality called EMDR. Honey, let me tell you...EMDR is the schnizle!

And my huge personal thanks to Dr. Paul for mentioning it. I'd known about EMDR since 2004, having studied all the neuroscience behind it. I just never considered applying it to MY problem. DUH! I wish I had and am kicking myself for waiting seven years to do it. THANK YOU Dr. Paul!

EMDR can do absolute wonders for anxiety. Seriously, I've been in therapy, recovery and transformation/self-development and spiritual healing work for 23 years. EMDR is the best, easiest and most effective treatment I've ever encountered. No one knew that I had anxiety. Not even me... and I'm the neuroscientist! One conversation on the phone with an EMDR-trained psychotherapist, and he knew within two minutes that my symptoms matched those of anxiety.

This is after FIVE different therapists overlooked it or misdiagnosed it! (This is why I LOVE Dr. Paul and EMDR.) I can't come up with words to recommend it highly enough. It can completely relieve your anxiety within 4-6 sessions, once you find a therapist who does it and they evaluate you. Given how well it works, it worth investigating. You've been through enough, and it sounds like you are ready to be over it.

Good luck. If you can overcome alcoholism, you've got courage to burn... you just don't recognize it! Step back, take a moment and look at how far you've come.