Short Posts Vs Long Posts!

[Paul Dobransky MD]

Do you think there's a reason why some men, including myself, have a hard time with lonnnnnng posts, or even find it an intellectual turn-off...

...versus quick, to-the-point posts that are easily, quickly read and addressable?

One thought is the personality styles of the KWML, and those more left-brained preferring a succinct set of points for discussion, while the right-brained may like long, creative stories...

And another is more of a masculine/feminine instinct question from the CFE...

...that men may prefer that which quickly, efficiently leads toward actions on a mission - getting answers, giving answers, reaching conclusions...

...while women may have an instinct for the pleasure of bonding in friendship, storytelling, connecting for its own sake...?

http://www.womenshappiness.com/kwml

http://www.womenshappiness.com/complete-feminine-empowerment

[heartofagopi]

That is interesting.

H.

[janiceh]

hahahahahaha....that is so funny Heart!


Dr. Paul...as the worst protagonist on this forum, I'd say it's a bit of both. Personality difference and male/female thing.

I went out with a King for a long time and he HATED long emails from me. He was also a very slow typist whereas I can type as fast as I think, which is no inhibitor to rambling.

I, on the other hand, HATED that his written style lacked context and explanation.

In fact, the last time we exchanged emails and I answered with a four-word sentence, he was outraged (in a joke way) that I should be so brief haha.

It was different face to face, but on anything 'intense', he would always ask me to keep it very, VERY simple too or he'd get confused.

Women love to chat, natter, gabble. We explore verbally. It's just what we do.

[heartofagopi]

Janice...
Do you feel that the reason women talk so much is because it is not really about the "words" so much as it is about the "process"?

I know that when I talk...I understand.

If I just "think"....then...I keep thinking something this way and that...but I don't understand what I am "feeling" unless I talk (or write/talk)

Men...I believe ....can more easily "think" to know how they feel.

Another way to look at it is that some people sing their feelings to know how they feel.

Anyway....I am guessing its all about feeling something and getting it clear in the head after a nice lunch with a few close female friends.

Having said that...I totally understand that men don't sort their emotions out that way so much AND I sure could give a man the Cliff Notes to what I have been trying to say in this post.

Men here it is for you:


Our "Reply" is generally one or two sentences hidden in the body of a long post.
It might be polite if we women would highlight those 2 sentences.

Dr Paul...is there a reason scientifically why women process verbally more than men?

Heart

[Paul Dobransky MD]

hahahahahaha....that is so funny Heart!


Dr. Paul...as the worst protagonist on this forum, I'd say it's a bit of both. Personality difference and male/female thing.

I went out with a King for a long time and he HATED long emails from me. He was also a very slow typist whereas I can type as fast as I think, which is no inhibitor to rambling.

I, on the other hand, HATED that his written style lacked context and explanation.

In fact, the last time we exchanged emails and I answered with a four-word sentence, he was outraged (in a joke way) that I should be so brief haha.

It was different face to face, but on anything 'intense', he would always ask me to keep it very, VERY simple too or he'd get confused.

Women love to chat, natter, gabble. We explore verbally. It's just what we do.

I hate long emails from you.

Context: I cannot possibly read a novel-length post, no matter how much I care about the person. There are far too many people to help and things to do to even get ready to do so.

Explanation: You are a fantastic person, and I would rather explain this in a succinct way, expression the mixed emotion and frustration of wanting to connect, but finding it physically impossible to do so unless I explain myself as above - than to not connect at all!

Viola! Emotion, context, process, and explanation!

[janiceh]

I hate long emails from you.

Context: I cannot possibly read a novel-length post, no matter how much I care about the person. There are far too many people to help and things to do to even get ready to do so.

Explanation: You are a fantastic person, and I would rather explain this in a succinct way, expression the mixed emotion and frustration of wanting to connect, but finding it physically impossible to do so unless I explain myself as above - than to not connect at all!

OK...let's see if I've interpreted you correctly...

1. You hate my long posts

2. You're too busy and don't have the head space to read them/want to read them

3. You think I'm a fantastic person (?!?!)

4. You want to connect, but feel my long posts are a barrier to that (???)

5. 4 above is frustrating to you

Have I understood correctly?

[janiceh]

Do you feel that the reason women talk so much is because it is not really about the "words" so much as it is about the "process"?

I know that when I talk...I understand.

Thought about your question a lot Heart.

Answering from a personal perspective only, I think I talk to get what's inside my head out of it haha. And to get external perspective/input, too.

That's aside from just the usual pleasure of socialising period, which can be done anywhere and with men or women.

When I write here, I am guilty for sure of saying the same thing 10 different ways at times. And of course, the forum is a very delayed form of two-way communication, so sometimes I will pour out my thoughts without interjection, which is somewhat self indulgent.

If I just "think"....then...I keep thinking something this way and that...but I don't understand what I am "feeling" unless I talk (or write/talk)

That's an interesting one for me. I'm not sure I 'talk' to understand what I feel. It's more about reaching clarity of thinking. That's because I think too much and can see things from all sorts of different angles. It sometimes takes me a while to 'arrive' at what I REALLY think after having considered all the angles haha.

But again, there's a difference between talking about intense stuff, or emotional stuff....and just plain socialising. I can be very gregarious socially....with the talking being nothing more than simply connecting and having fun with other people - men or women. Other times I prefer to simply observe and listen.

Men...I believe ....can more easily "think" to know how they feel.

Hmmm....not sure about that one. Interesting.

Our "Reply" is generally one or two sentences hidden in the body of a long post.
It might be polite if we women would highlight those 2 sentences.

Haha....Dr Paul....my guess is you'd say JUST include those two sentences, hey? Never mind the rest?

BTW....you'd be very proud of me....sent an email to the King today....5 single lines only!!!! (Didn't I do well lol).

[Paul Dobransky MD]

Hi. still here.

Wasn't meant to be a hurtful thing.

A ribbing, haha, sense of humor, but every bit of humor has a little truth.

YES, looooonnnnng posts are EXCEPTIONALLY challenging to me.

Can't deal with them.

Not about you and only you. ANY long posts.

Which is not to say I have to personally weigh in on every post. Far from it. This isn't a personal place for me to spout philosophy every other entry...

So knock yourselves out. Post as long as you like. I just won't be able to join in those particular ones.

hopefully this resolves any confusion...

[Paul Dobransky MD]

I hate long emails from you.

Context: I cannot possibly read a novel-length post, no matter how much I care about the person. There are far too many people to help and things to do to even get ready to do so.

Explanation: You are a fantastic person, and I would rather explain this in a succinct way, expression the mixed emotion and frustration of wanting to connect, but finding it physically impossible to do so unless I explain myself as above - than to not connect at all!

OK...let's see if I've interpreted you correctly...

1. You hate my long posts

2. You're too busy and don't have the head space to read them/want to read them

3. You think I'm a fantastic person (?!?!)

4. You want to connect, but feel my long posts are a barrier to that (???)

5. 4 above is frustrating to you

Have I understood correctly?

Example: just take # 3 above, and remember that one.

[heartofagopi]

One thing I discovered in sending emails to men AND to
Warrior female friends is to only ask ONE QUESTION per email.
It was fine if I wrote another email with another subject line and asked the second question there. But I would advise against a 3rd email no matter what!

H.

[MissTazz]

I may have been 'guilty' of a long post or two but actually my preference is for short, sharp and to the point. Though it's something I struggle with as my communication skills are not the best!

When someone is telling me a story in person and they are taking forever and it's just dragging onnnnnnnnnn.......I get cranky and impatient and just want them to spit it out!


On the other hand I can totally relate to what Janice says:

I went out with a King for a long time and he HATED long emails from me. He was also a very slow typist whereas I can type as fast as I think, which is no inhibitor to rambling.

I, on the other hand, HATED that his written style lacked context and explanation.

I think the same can be applied to email, text, phone conversations and generally any communication.

Maybe it is a KWML thing as much as a male/female thing.

[Paul Dobransky MD]

True Kings, Queens would tend to make long posts, but as LISTS - logical and orderly.

Lovers would tend to make lonnnnng and rambling posts, not in list form.

Warriors would be chop chop - one idea per post, and expect it back.

And Magicians would also make short posts that are also random or just entertaining.

It makes me realize a male moderator, Zachy, tends to post the shortest posts on the whole forum - with a quick humorous staccato point to make, or more often, entertaining comment, then disappears.

Maybe this is then a guide to decoding online dating ads!

http://www.womenshappiness.com/kwml

One thing's true though - male or female, K W M or L aside - long posts without paragraph breaks (one 5 page paragraph) are less likely to be read because they cause fatigue...

And if texts, emails and posts are like "one way" conversations, imagine talking to someone who doesn't take time to breathe, and you'd like to respond but can't get in edge-wise, you grow tired and drop out of the convo.

Good thing we have the TELESEMINARS, because there we have the two way immediacy by phone!

[heartofagopi]

Very interesting about the KWML of "posting" !!!

When I post...I usually want to "help" someone....so...want to let the sensitive
Lover type energy flow.

I am wondering how many Magicians really "enjoy" Forum type discussions as a means of helping others?

The Magician part of me would rather uplift someone by being fun in person and lightening their load that way rather than going into the analysis of issues...or rektracing the steps of challenge in order to pinpoint the weak link.

I like this idea of checking for KWML through Forum Posts.



Clever.

H

[janiceh]

The other thing to consider in that is what KWML someone might be 'in' when they're posting, ie their main quadrant or another one.

Those of us who remember Lola/Layla will remember her highly entertaining posts. Her stories and personality jumped off the screen practically. Some of them quite long, but it didn't matter. She was a dead-set Magician. Not sure if she was in entertainment mode or helping mode, but every now and then you'd see a different Lola, a highly articulate, intellectual Lola, very serious and very much wanting to impart her knowledge and her help.

Also, JD was very typically Warrior in her responses. Very warm and supportive (which isn't perhaps always seen as Warrior traits), but very clear thinking and focused on precise concepts. Then again, Villa...another Warrior....was much more easily aggressive in style, which I rarely saw in JD.

I am very Queenly on the forum. It's an advisory role which brings that out in me. Am I a Queen? I don't think that's my inherent quadrant, but it's what shows most of all on here I imagine. I too, can be confrontational....which is perhaps the Warrior in me coming out. I'd say that my Magician traits rarely show on the forum.

Heart - you and Art come across as very Loverly. I think that's pretty obvious. Very creative and nurturing, telling stories etc.

So yeah, it's interesting to consider the different styles and how KWML affects it.

But having said that, I also think men generally are much less likely to make long posts. So the female instinct to blab still comes through (I reckon), whatever the KWML haha.

[heartofagopi]

Janice????I always thought you were a Queen...??

What are you if not Queen ?