Incredible New Women's Resources

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If you or a woman you know would like to know how to COMPLETELY assess her dating and relationships easily and accurately, then sign them up for this newsletter with their permission. Go to womenshappiness.com and sign up, or sign up HERE.

I will continue to answer your questions, and I read every email personally (please limit things to two brief paragraphs.) I will continue to answer your questions, and I read every email personally at drpaul@womenshappiness.com.

To unsubscribe, go HERE.

Don't forget to get your free KWML testing of personality style at http://www.kwml.com/. You can use this to test MEN as well for fit to YOU.

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Hi Everyone,

Finally, we have a whole new way of helping you, and very importantly, a way for women to help each OTHER, directly.

We have a whole new website design that's gone up for you, and I ask that you be a little patient with this particular newsletter because we have a LARGE number of new women whom are with us tonight. That's because of a big article that appeared in this month's Cosmopolitan Magazine on the subject of the KWML method of screening men for fit to your own personality. If you're curious, get this September's Cosmo on newsstands now, and check out the article on page 157. It's fantastic.

What the new website now up at http://www.womenshappiness.com/ is going to offer you is all this:

• For one, I really have been thinking hard about how to help so many women at one time. I'm only one guy, and while I do answer every email you send to drpaul@womenshappiness.com, I also have found that I can talk by phone to many of you at one time by starting up a program of teleseminars for you, every other week on Wednesday nights.
• The best part is that after they are over you will be able to download the whole thing to your computer as an MP3 file! You can listen in and say nothing if you like. It's entirely anonymous and I am the only one who knows who's on the line with me. You can send in your questions days ahead of time and I will answer every question by phone. It's a great way to interact directly, especially since the cost of working with me alone by phone is 500$ per hr. These teleseminars are only 47$! The next one is in two days, Wednesday August 22^nd at 6:30pm PST. Go HERE to sign up.
• Secondly, there is a new WOMEN'S FORUM. You will be able to see the advice I and my staff give, as well as have direct access to us via chat. Best of all you can interact with each other, weigh in on the issues, and help each OTHER too.
• There is a new BLOG right on my site where we can talk about the big issues affecting the relations between men and women, and you can comment right there in http://www.womenshappiness.com/ .
• When you add the FREE PODCASTS (which are total entertainment, AND education) to the women's forum, it adds up to a virtual university of dating and relationships for women.
• Video Feeds. From time to time I will put up the latest news, educational videos and other video material for you to use in your learning.
• Free TESTING to assess yourself, your personality, your dating and your relationships, including the KWML test, and many others. Ultimately, the new relationship software that I call CoupleSoft will be up and running in coming months. This will really wow you because it's almost like talking to a personal advisor or friend about your relationships - and gives you the tools and skills to accurately know what to do to figure them out, and make the best moves for yourself.

Some of you are here because you've gone through my new book with Penguin/Plume called The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. By the way, when you go to that link above, there are nine days of one free lesson a day that arrive in your email. You can sign up there. It's like a free workbook to go with the hardcover book.

In that book, I literally lay out for you the EXACT steps of courtship gone through together by every man and every woman who have found lasting love for a lifetime. The book is based on a series of seminars I have done for women for many years, and which is based on an entirely new and accurate model of the mind. I have captured the essence of the book in a full-day, live seminar that is both on DVD and CD, called the Seventh Sense Seminar for Women.

This is the best of the best that I have for women as far as the secrets of how the male mind works, what you need to do to understand it, and just as importantly, how you can educate men to understand YOU. (I train men to do just that too.)

Now one of the most personal ways I connect with women is through this weekly free newsletter.

Usually we start out with a general topic - often one that has been going on in the news, or is of great importance to women. Along the way I may tell you about the latest ways I have for teaching you things about men, dating and relationships that just can't be done in a newsletter. Sometimes that involves an ebook product to help you (and you can check the testimonials from women at http://www.womenshappiness.com/ about those), or a CD program, or DVD. And sometimes it is some free resource or public access material that will help. I often make book suggestions that send you to other authors that are experienced and trustworthy regarding what matters to you.

From there, we dig into YOUR QUESTIONS for the week, in Q & A style, just the way I do the teleseminars for women.

Often, your questions directly relate to the big topic of the week, or to one of my educational programs you are already using.

For example, women the world over seem to go crazy for understanding how it is that there are really only FOUR KINDS OF MEN, personality-wise. It's an easy method you can use to analyze and identify men RIGHT NOW, called KWML. I have a test for you and you can also fill it out for men you know. The end result of that material is that we really do need our OPPOSITE in personality to be happy in a relationship. OPPOSITES ATTRACT when it comes to personality STYLE.

Over time, the work of other scientists just keeps coming back to support my work. For example, famed anthropologist Helen Fisher has studied love for decades and recently started talking about there being four general types of men, a model I have fine-tuned for over fifteen years. There is far more to know about that than you will find anywhere else on the web, in academia, or literature out there. That's because only the KWML model sees people as capable of GROWTH in their personality over the lifetime. It's right here at http://www.womenshappiness.com/ .

So that's an example many women love asking about, because it's so powerful for predicting the likely future course of a relationship with a man. And you can learn to identify all that about him RIGHT NOW, early in dating - or sometimes even in the first meeting with a man. Why waste time going through months or years of a relationship that is unlikely to work out? Or at least is unlikely to be the perfect relationship for YOU?

Many other questions deal with such things as codependence, cheating, breakups, how to KEEP a man who might stray, or simply how to size up a guy in the first place.

Many times a woman's career deeply impacts her relationships and vice versa of course, and that is also fair game for this newsletter, and all we do together.

You name it, we cover it.

I have a little more bullet-point info for you below on what you can learn in this newsletter, and at http://www.womenshappiness.com/, but right after that, we dig into the QUESTIONS & ANSWERS for the week!

Don't forget the deal below on complete explanations of what appears in The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love book, followed by answers to all your most recent questions...

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It's here. There is a very professionally mastered DVD set or CD set (6 discs each) that are the sum total of my entire, day-long seminar for women on the topic of dating and relationships. It is a perfect companion to the book that just came out, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love.

This program is the best of the best in the dating and relationship industry in terms of the latest science, practical steps to take to understand your dating and relationships, and most of all, to have all the tools, tests, techniques and tips you could possibly learn in one place - which empower you to not just succeed in your romantic life, but to know precisely WHY you are succeeding. This is why the book is called "The SECRET psychology..." and why the DVDs and CDs are called The Seventh Sense Seminar for Women.

This program is in high definition digital film, shot by a cinematographer who normally does music videos for the major music labels. We cover all aspects of a woman's romantic life from not dating at all and wishing to, all the way into deep marital issues. The 9 steps of courtship never fail, are never wrong, and have been in perfect operation for all human beings ever born (and those born over the next few million years too.) It comes as either a DVD set OR a CD set for use in your car or stereo, suiting all cost preferences.

Not just a touchy-feely seminar, but practical and accessible for lifetime use here on in, this program is the most complete and profession production I have ever done for either men or women. It gives you more than just a glimpse into the secret minds of men; rather, it is like having your own relationship x-ray machine.

Use it to analyze your past and pull lessons out of it. Use it to chart your future desired connections with men. For those of you who loved the book but wanted MORE, and a personal touch that feels as if you are talking directly with me, face to face, this is the one to get.

Well, as you know, I tend to want to give too much. Have to work on that boundary, right?

Here it is: for the three WEEKS only, I am ALSO going to give you the KWML MASTERY PROGRAM FOR WOMEN, which is normally 497$, but we are taking 30% off this second DVD set for you when you order these two TOGETHER.

Here's a partial list of what you will learn:

• Exactly why every man you have ever broken up with, did so, or caused YOU to do so.
• Exactly why men behave in the strange ways they do at times, and all the scenarios you have always been stumped by. Do the right thing instead.
• What the exact steps of attraction for men and women have been, since the beginning of time, and for every man and woman ever born, or ever to be born. This will help you understand exactly WHY some authors' advice works and some does not. It is the final word on the subject.
• Learn exactly what would happen if you were to find your soulmate, how you would recognize them, and what exact steps to do to both discover them, and win their hearts. (This is not fluffy woo-woo stuff, but the hard science facts.)
• Prevent CHEATING, BREAKUPS and DIVORCE FOREVER, by becoming a master "reader" of men's personality EARLY in dating, then STOPPING the forward motion of the relationship before it gets "locked in."
• Predict every major likely future behavior in men you date, that can HARM you or your potential love. (Learn quick tests of men's character that sound the alarm against continuing with them)
• Mine your entire PAST RELATIONSHIPS for value and lessons that will help you NOW and in the FUTURE, with surgical ACCURACY.
• Discover how your relationship behavior also predicts how you will do at CAREER and PERSONAL LIFE.
• UNLOCK THE MYSTERY of the male mind, what makes it tick, in the words and advice of a medical scientist, innovator, and MAN himself.
• Find happiness and success in relationships as if by a simple recipe or roadmap.
• End problems of self-esteem, stress, worry, shame, guilt, and obsession in relationships for GOOD, with the latest in science - a "unification theory"
• I COULD go on.

Now to your QUESTIONS:

 

 (REALLY TOUGH) QUESTION:

Dr Paul:

 

 Your statement that even marriage is a commitment of choice and has no guarantees hit me hard. My boyfriend of over a year acts committed and says he is committed but does not want to get married now and said to back off the topic. For the most part we are great together.

 

My kids have gone through being adopted from the foster system and went through a divorce after that. They really like my boyfriend and are getting close to him. He is a great example for them (unlike my ex). I am so scared that I am going to hurt them again if my boyfriend leaves that I feel like we need to get engaged or I need to break it off to prevent them from getting hurt. But at the same time a re-marriage is sometimes harder on kids than a divorce.

 

My 7-year old keeps asking us when we are going to get married (my ex -is  getting married and rarely sees them)

 

I am a magician and my boyfriend is a king. He loves my kids and is great with them but has a hard time changing his lifestyle and I understand that completely. But I do not want my kids getting hurt.

 

I have no idea what to do. If  I said lets get married or I need to leave - I think he would marry me but I do not want to do that. But I also think he is fine as things are. Relationships are work and I do not want to keep working if it is not going anywhere. When I ask him where it is going all he says is "I am committed to you" but does not want to go any further. I think it is important for my kids ( and me)  to feel secure with our relationship with a visual commitment. Am I right?? He will never break up with me and loves me but won't make the decision to move it further because of my kids. Everything is good now - but I am worried about the future. Do I just let things happened or do I take action now to prevent  more pain down the road??

Kim,

Atlanta, GA

 

ANSWER:

 Well this is not an ironclad blanket statement. 

 

Actually it is SUCH a hotbutton issue for both men and women that I am going to go out on a limb and answer it at length to the best of my knowledge.

 

Whew!

 

The difficulty and special challenge when a man is posed with being in a love relationship with a woman who has kids from another man is a very interesting thing to look at biologically, and psychologically.

 

Many women in your shoes are (and ought to be) extremely BONDED with their kids from family of origin.  However, a new man in the picture does NOT have such a bond to the kids. And may NEVER have anything even remotely close to the biological kind of INSTINCTUAL bond that a father has to kids who are his biological OWN. 

 

Ouch, I know. We all wish it were not so. Many men have high character and do come to love children they didn't sire "as if they were my own," but that is a different thing than the reflex instinct and profound experience of going through a birth with you over children that are his biological offspring with you.

 

If you look to the more recent sociology and anthropology literature, you will find something shocking. Biologically it is hard-wired into the masculine instinct to closely bond with his own biological children, and to repel or disavow the offpring of other men. There are genetic/evolutionary reasons that this is so (it promotes the man's specific gene line, and disempowers the genetic line of other, evolutionarily competing men so to speak.)

 

This is not the man's fault or conscious decision. As I said, it is passionately instinctual. In fact studies show that there is something like a 4 times higher mortality rate and abuse rate amongst children of another male as compared with the children of a biological father.  All this is hidden, instinctual, and not in anyone's CONSCIOUS logical mind.

 

Of course many men have exemplary character and stave off the instincts of their biological drives to "do the right thing," and do their best to care for children of another man or men, for the sake of harmony and pleasing the woman they love. 

 

But it is biologicaly unnatural for them to do so. If you were a fly on the wall to "locker room talk" among men, you would spy on them commenting on this, and on how bad it feels to them, an instinctual "cut" at their masculinity and masculine pride to "have to care for" another man's offspring.

 

Now on the other hand, in a woman's personal mindset, she LOVES her own children, and would definitely want and expect a man who loves HER, to also love whom and what SHE loves.  So when this maternal instinct goes head to head against the deeply wired masculine instinct to care ONLY for his own offspring and gene line, you might see how all kinds of terrible confusion, pain and miscommunication arises.

 

THIS IS RESOLVED by not only the man having good boundary skill, but THE WOMAN HAVING GOOD BOUNDARY SKILL.

 

She has a strong maternal instinct which is perhaps the most powerful force in her life and identity, but to balance this with a love relationship to the man, she has to recognize each person in her life as a separate relationship.

 

In short, every relationship we have, whether to kids, boss, husband, boyfriend, girlfriends, parents etc, is a SEPARATE AND DISTINCT RELATIONSHIP. They each have rules and conditions of their own, and a quality of their own, and they do NOT demand the conditions of the other relationships bend and twist to conform to the demands of any other relationship.

 

Would you find it acceptable for a man to say that to be with him you have to put your kids in a foster home and he never wants to see them again? Of COURSE NOT. But that is what the biological instinct of every man you encounter who did not sire your kids will be feeling at some core level.

 

The fact that he actually is capable of both loving you, and being kind and friendly to your kids, the offspring of other men or another man, is actually GREAT boundary skill on his part.  Perhaps HE recognizes that your relationship to your kids is your deal, not his, but he may in fact really love YOU and be committed to YOU - just not your kids.

 

THAT'S YOUR JOB TO BE COMMITTED TO YOUR KIDS. You are the one to have made the decision to take them on as your dependents. He was never involved in the decision process there, and had no say so as to whether that was right for him or his life.

 

As we observed, "good boundaries" means that a relationship and duties and responsibilities we take on are ALWAYS VOLUNTARY.  And to expect or demand that a man who did not sire children somehow take them on as his own, and with an intensity of maternalness that only a mother can have, is unreasonable and biologically, instinctually impossible even if we as a society could DEMAND it be so.

 

Men can't FORCE our masculine biology to be different than it is. It has evolved over millions of years and isn't changing.

 

So while my comments in the article were geared toward two people in a relationship not specifically with the idea of children also in the picture, a man who doesn't commit is also one with poor boundaries, and spotting poor boundaries reveals the likelihood of not being committed - your special situation is something different.

 

The psychology of commitment doesn't necessarily mean or demand marriage. It means the guy just won't ever give up on you, will be there for you, wants to be on a team with you, and have similar goals and beliefs as you. Marriage is a legal arrangement. Commitment is a DURABLE PSYCHOLOGICAL STATE. They are very different things, as anyone who has ever been through a divorce can attest.

 

There is a fair chance that he really IS committed to YOU, and certainly loves you, and "likes" the kids at a deep level. But men cannot have truly reflex maternal instinct - only mothers do, and that is your job alone. Men have reflex PATERNAL instinct.

 

I haven't even begun with you. Sorry.

 

It is a falsity to think that relationships MUST BE HARD WORK.

 

False.

 

The relationships we enter and are meant for ALWAYS ought to amplify the quality of our lives, NOT heap on heavy labor. Otherwise they are the wrong relationship.

 

No man "owes" a woman heavy labor. And no woman "owes" a man heavy labor. We owe that to our bosses, the tax man, and the children we have agreed to bring into the world.

 

We all already have jobs without taking on a second, weighty job.

 

But raising children IS heavy labor. Children receive our love, time, energy, ideas, and care, and aren't capable of giving back, if at all, for many many years.  When we have children it is our personal single commitment to them, agreeing to personally take on ALL the duties and responsibility. No one else OWES us the heavy labor of raising children that we personally have committed to and they have not.

 

And so both a man and woman in a mature love relationship that also has previous children need to personally work on both their boundaries, to recognize the separate, distinct individual relationship duties to each other and the children - each separate connection in the family system is an entirely separate relationship with its own quality, responsibility, level of intensity etc.

 

I can't know for sure because I have never met him, but it's possible that your man - on the contrary of having POOR boundaries - has GOOD boundaries and is clearly stating to you what he is up for - being honest and true about his limits and preferences - that he is committed to YOU, loves YOU, but is mulling over how intense and what expectations might be put on him by you (and by proxy the kids he did not sire) if he were to also legally enter a binding contract of marriage.

 

This doesn't make him the right or wrong man for you - that is for you alone to decide and work with - but it DOES make him an honest man with boundary enough to tell you what his limits and free choices in life are.

 

You might find another man who specifically desires adopted children, and would need to specifically screen for this EARLY in dating. There are many men who want this, and if you looked in the right places - a man who already has children of his own, or has been looking to adopt as a single father for example. 

 

But to start dating a man, but then "ease him in to bonding with the kids" is highly unlikely to "win him over" to them.

 

The reason?

 

Biological instinct does not work by reason, logic, and familiarity. It works by unconscious reflex that is deeply hard wired in.

 

And above all, a belief system that says relationships are hard work is false.

 

Children are indeed hard work, but a mature love relationship when done right, and with proper courtship steps is NOT.

 

See my book with PenguinBooks, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, or the deep coverage of it in the DVD set, The Seventh Sense Seminar for Women, available at http://www.womenshappiness.com/.

 

This notion that relationships can and ought to be a joy, a breeze, and an AUGMENTING of our quality of life is also why the kwml method is a good thing (and you DO share that with this man) - it guarantees the most natural, low-stress, low-labor friendship within a love relationship. So one has to wonder if what you mean is that kids are the hard work part and you would like a man to take on the labor of raising your kids WITH you. 

 

Many a man might be willing to do that, but it would be a free choice, and certainly not an expectation you would want to widely advertise. In a free world of socializing, with free will and good boundaries, I can't think of a single person who would want to take on heavy labor that does not carry with it an equal reward or benefit to life back in return. Not without much harbored resentment at least.

 

That reward might be the instinctual passionate drive to protect one's own biological offspring, or it might be your love and companionship. But one's love must never be held hostage or used as a decoy to get other benefits - not without risking the eventual demise of the relationship.

 

To the male mindset, in "locker room" talk, this is similar to being offered a volunteer job that requires heavy labor and no paycheck, assisting another man's career rather than one's own. The reflex answer is "no way."

 

Telling you all this may sound controversial, or even harsh or jarring. It is not meant to be. Only to make you fully informed about male biology and psychology, and to give you a kind of wisdom to use in your life.

 

Sometimes when you actually TALK to a man about this kind of material, it makes him feel validated, understood as a man, and sets you apart from all other women.  You "get him." The tides might then turn.

 

Your ultimate goal with this man, therefore is to amp up his sense of masculinity, respect, and therefore it amps up his passionate attraction for you and issues and people (plus kids) you care about.

 

It makes him feel you are a GIVER rather than a potential BOSS of sorts, or someone with feelings of entitlement and expectation that he go against his very biological instincts or risk losing you.

 

I have seen many a couple where the man or woman come in speaking of how they "signed a marriage license", as if a piece of paper locks peoples' hearts and passions into some  kind of legal agreement that has anything to do with our deep instinctual psychology or love.

 

Love and passion CANNOT be memorialized on paper by the kind of binding legal agreement that one sees in an apartment lease, a home ownership contract, or an employment agreement.

 

Ridiculous.

 

Like saying, "But you SIGNED the papers that guarantee you will feel passionate about me every day, for life!" The passions do not operate by logic or legal agreements.

 

Our love is freely given and freely received, and must benefit us both.

 

When a woman appears to a man to be so very dead set on securing a legal contract (marriage) far and above simply appreciating the love, communication, closeness, joint goals values and beliefs fun humor, stimulating conversation, and growth of the psychology of the relationship, it actually sends him a clear but unconscious message that it is not HIM that matters to the woman. It is WHAT HE CAN PROVIDE AND BE LOCKED INTO FOR LIFE that only matters to her. 

 

Which to his mind if he has any shrewd sense at all, is akin to a used car salesman trying to get him to sign the purchase papers for the car, before even letting him test drive it. It also - in the unique situation of kids already in the picture - would be like the salesperson saying "This car comes with a lot of expensive features that I know you didn't want or ask for, but hey, its a great car, and if you want to buy one from my lot, you'll just have to pay the extra money and take the features. Take it or leave it."

 

The last thing a woman ought to communicate to a man of high character and value as a person is an ULTIMATUM. One with any sense would walk away from the "deal."

 

Whew! Probably way way more than you asked for, and way more than I normally intend to respond to in an email - its the level of a 500$ consultation, but anyway, there it is.

 

There is great hope for you with this all I think. But it is going to take finesse, and boundary work, as well as a deeper understanding of the male mindset to get things swayed your way in a way that benefits you both.

 

I am offering a new service in the form of teleseminars where you can actually talk to me with a group of women for 90 minutes to up to 2 hrs wednesday nites.  You can then download the mp3 file of the whole event in high quality audio.

 

I'd welcome you to chime in next wednesday night at 6:30pm pacific time, 9:30pm New York time, 8:30 Midwest time, and you can pre-submit questions at the link you will be sent.

The link is HERE.

Thanks for writing, and although much of it may sound like what you DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR, I hope it also gives tons of food for thought, material to discuss with your man, and therefore a pathway to more harmony in getting what you both want. 

And THAT would be the solution that not only would be pleasing to you. It would actually WORK instead of just feeding you a bunch of silly-happy psychobabble.

 

QUESTION :

Hi Dr. Paul!

 

I just came back from vacations and wonder whether you have sent any newsletter since the last one in which you shared with us your extraordinary experience with 'the Pursuit of Happyness'. Congratulations for the experience!! Thank you very much for sharing it; reading it was very nurturring. I understand how you feel with all the changes you are living now in the proffesional side.

 

I guess it is not easy to deal suddenly with fame and popularity while deep inside the spirit wishes to keep on going on the road to wisdom and authenticity. The encounter with Chris Gardner is a good evidence that you are supported by your own history and with the connectedness to other souls who search transcendence.

 

You will be safe despite the erratic sometimes violent dynamics of fame and money. I wish you the best and thank God for granting me the opportunity to follow your steps and lectures.

 

I finished reading your book on The Secret Psychology of How we Fall in Love. Food for thought in big quantities!! 

 

Vacation was a good time for starting a good reflection process. I have to say for moments I felt overwhelmed when reading the list of signs a good safe candidate has.

 

For a moment I thought it is impossible to find someone who can fulfill the list; in contrast, for a moment I also realized all my ex-partners fulfill the Mr.Wrong list in strict quality. So, again the self-reflexion.

 

Good news is that I realized I know many married men who match with the outline of Mr.Rights and have good marriages with friends or relatives, starting from my father who I am sure now is no doubtly Mr.Right for my mother. They will celebrate a beautiful 32 year wedding aniversary soon.

 

By the way, one question, do you think the KWML model can be useful for testing not only individuals but societies and even more, civilizations? Could it be a good starting point for analyzing society and history from a perspective of relationships between nations? For understanding and facilitating negotiations or even for strategy-design for political alliances or mergers in corporate world? I was wondering...

 

Regards,

Kayla, San Diego

 

ANSWER:

Wow. Thank you for the words of encouragement!

I have been busy with the media but as you can see, I am putting out the newsletter regularly again, and have a whole new useful website for you!

 

Also, the kwml is part of mindos, all of which is patent pending as a system and strategy not only for teaching psychology, dating and relationships, but also analyzing, facilitating, and problem solving for a host of needs.  

 

So yes, you are right. It is useful in politics and diplomacy between groups and whole nations even.

 

When businesses approach me on its use, they license it from me and I do trainings for them in its use.

 

So for those women new to the newsletter, mindOS is my basic material to teach you about all kinds of challenges in life, not just about men - and it is a very thorough method for learning how to go about personal growth, especially of what psychologists call "character."  You can also screen men for character using this material.

 

Now let's talk about perfectionism.

 

I lay out many models of perfection in our psychology in my books, but I want you to know (as you are discovering) that it isn't meant to require YOU or MEN to somehow be perfect. None of us can.

 

What all these tests and quizzes are that you can give men, are ways of MEASURING him (and yourself), to size up WHERE YOU STAND versus the "ideal."

 

Nobody can actually reach an ideal state in a relationship, but I'll bet you do know many couples (such as your parents) who can come CLOSE. At least you have seen them fawn over each other even after decades of marriage, and they describe each other as "soulmates."

 

Why not "shoot for" that in your own life? It doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It just means you can always be working on your wisdom as a woman and you can grow TOWARD what you want.

 

I think you will find your way with regard to men, now that you have a NEW list of traits in mind that I taught you in the book.

 

The great thing about science is that it never fails you. It works time after time after time. And many women who have read or listened to my materials keep coming back and saying "So THAT'S why things didn't work out with Mr. X," or "So THAT'S why I always seem to hook up with X or Y kind of a man!"

 

This is what I mean by a "Seventh Sense^TM." It literally is like having an extra "sense" of people, on top of your other senses, and your "gut instinct," or "sixth sense" as a woman.

Thanks for being a part of all this good going on.

QUESTION FROM MY ASSISTANT: 

Hi Paul,

I had a message from a woman who was reading your newsletter and saw a message from someone about how your book gave her a list of characteristics of a man with good boundaries. This woman would like to know where she can find this list in your book???

 

Thanks,

Shauna

 

ANSWER:

Haha, well there is a whole CHAPTER on Boundaries in the books, both in MindOS and in The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. Look for the circular diagrams. Those show you where a man's identity butts up against your own as a woman.

 

You know, one of the things I always say at live seminars is that "Psychology is invisible, but REAL."

 

It's no different from how if you were to cross the border of a country, and looked at he ground, you wouldn't see a painted dotted line. But the border would still be THERE.

 

A boundary works the same way. It is invisible but real. And that is one of the most profound benefits of the material I have for you at http://www.womenshappiness.com/ . It is not all just talk. It is a whole system of diagrams for you that literally help you "SEE" psychology going on around you. Thousands of women are carrying these diagrams around in their purses right now, to reference and learn. You'll find them in the ecourse, and the DVDs of any of my seminars.

 

A man with poor boundary skill:

 

• CANNOT COMMIT. It is psychologically IMPOSSIBLE, and so it certainly serves you well to know any and every test of a man's BOUNDARY.  Save yourself future heartache, and get moving to what you WANT in a relationship.
• Uses the word, SHOULD, a great deal. It implies a wish to own or control something that cannot be. Poor boundaries = wishing to control the uncontrollable.
• On that count, he is either CONTROLLING, or EASILY CONTROLLED. When he has good boundary skill he accepts the things he cannot change, including YOU.
• Tends to lie, cheat, and or disrespect you and himself.

 

This is a partial list. The complete list is like having your very own relationship toolbox. It is something no woman can do without, and it is completely explained in my basic ecourse, called mindOS: the operating system of the human mind.

 

 

 To those of you who are NEW to the list, WELCOME!

 

And those of you know have stuck around for years, thanks for everything. I hope you LOVE the new site, and use it to talk to each other and help each other as a community that only women can form!

 

Dr Paul

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If you or a woman you know would like to know how to COMPLETELY assess her dating and relationships easily and accurately, then sign them up for this newsletter with their permission. Go to womenshappiness.com and sign up.

I will continue to answer your questions, and I read every email personally at drpaul@womenshappiness.com.

  

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I hope this has been an interesting view of the minds of everyday men. Until next time, feel free to send me your questions and commentary.

I hope you all continue to live your lives ON PURPOSE, by taking the time to think a little, then ACT a LOT on what you learn.  

Thanks for the privilege of writing you.

One of the most profound things I have the honor of seeing in discussion of my books is the transformation of troubles to strength in the lives of real men.  I'm available for personal consultation through shauna@womenshappiness.com, or you can simply write me a question or success story for the newsletter which I will answer for free.

Feel free to write me direct with questions at drpaul@womenshappiness.com, as I answer EVERY email by hand personally. And continue to enjoy our products, sign up for the newsletter at womenshappiness.com.

Dr Paul

 

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Many of you are new and not familiar with Mind OS^TM or its application to nearly every area of your life, including your "inner game" and ability to communicate to the opposite sex.  

There are many "brands" of therapy, self-help, and instruction on the power that comes with personal development--probably as many as there are doctors and home-spun kitchen-table "coaches."  There's Cognitive Therapy, Behavioral Therapy, NLP, psychodynamics, transactional analysis, and ten or so other "major schools" of psychology.

I've found that diagrams get people to places they never thought they'd reach, because a picture is worth a thousand words. I also found that most people understand the basic anatomy and practicality of using a personal computer. So since everything in the world operates by psychology, including your communication to the opposite sex, doesn't it make sense that seeing psychology as a "software" that runs on your brain would lead you to quite a useful metaphor.  If your brain uses powerful "software" that can be easily learned through diagrams, then you have a whole lot of power for your life.
 

Mind OS^TM is more than just any old "mind software."  It is similar to an "operating system" for you to plug in problems and get immediate solutions to through diagrams.  And it is the only full synthesis of all "schools" of psychology and self-help that uses visual, diagrammatic methods to teach you. The ebook describing it in its entirety is available on womenshappiness.com

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DISCLAIMER:

Copyright 2005 Mystery Industries LLC,  Mind OS, KWML, patent-pending, 2004.

All Rights Reserved. By reading this newsletter you have agreed to licensure of Mind OS, Social OS, and KWML material and other Mystery Industries material for sole use in your individual personal life. These technologies may not be used in commerce, teachings, seminars, healthcare, "coaching," media, or any form without a written hardcopy signed license from Mystery Industries, and may not be duplicated or distributed in any media form without express handwritten consent of Dr. Paul and Mystery Industries. For personal use only.  By reading this newsletter, Mind OS, Dr. Paul/Mystery Industries products and disclaimers, you agree to the terms and conditions of this notice.  Mystery Industries and Mind OS are trademarks of Mystery Industries LLC. You agree to all of the following by clicking and reading this newsletter: You understand this newsletter, website and its products to be for entertainment purposes and "food for thought", not professional advice.  You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold Mystery Industries LLC, its members, affiliates, and Dr. Paul harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please send an email to shauna@mindosoft.com, go to the link above to unsubscribe, or send mail to

"Mystery Industries"

12422 W. 68th St,

Arvada, CO 80003.