How Can I Delay Having Sex With a Man Without Killing the Attraction?

I find it quite difficult to communicate to a guy that I am very into him and sexually attracted but that I don't want to take things further. I have no problem saying “no.” It just turns into a mood-killer. What can I say or do in these situations to keep the spark alive and to keep his motivation and masculinity high, but without giving in to propositions for sex? I want to learn to say ‘no’ tactfully and continue to build rather than kill the attraction.

Answer: As you know from the Seventh Sense Program, sexual attraction is psychological, and it does not have to involve the sex act. It is very possible to gain and maintain a man’s sexual interest over time without having sex. This gives you time to have a courtship with the guy and ensure that if or when the sex does happen, it’s fulfilling and ultimately, special.

You probably need to flirt more. If the guy is attractive and gentlemanly, then he raises your femininity. This means that you feel pretty when you’re with him. If he gives you the “gift” of making your feel pretty, then return the favor by acting even more flirtatious, more coquettish than you are even used to.

When we grow up, we start acting too serious, especially in the early stages of dating. Just because you want a serious relationship doesn’t mean you have to be serious. Act like a teenager, and pay attention to the “submission signals” in the Seventh Sense Program. Those are the key to adding a flirtatious “subtext” to any date or conversation with a man, even one that is, on the surface, a serious one.

Add to this, “step 2” of sexual attraction (also from the Seventh Sense Program), where you cheerlead him. Yes, “cheerlead” is the word for it. If you genuinely respect and admire (at least so far) what he does for a living, and he’s been gentlemanly, then openly express your admiration in a lighthearted way. Men love this. Trust me. You will be on his mind long after the date has passed, and he will call you for another date.  

If the guy is mature and if the attraction is strong, he'll be able to hear the word "no," especially when said in a conspiratorial spirit that communicated "hey, I really like you, I just want to take it slow." If he is immature and continues to pressure you for sex, well then, you've just eliminated an immature guy from your dating life without having to sleep with him first.

Part of your dilemma is cultural. Has anybody noticed, in the United States and possibly in similar cultures like UK and Australia, a sort of "third date" sex expectation or pressure? We live in an age where sex is "expected" early in the dating relationship. Men feel this pressure, too. So you're facing that challenge, too.

What might help is having some dates during the DAYTIME...like lunch or a visit to the park or art museum. Make the date END during the day (i.e. "I have to go visit my aunt tonight.")...and there will be less sex pressure AND you'll be able to assess your friendship potential with the guy and his maturity level.

Not every date has to be a "hot" date at night. Throw some "cool" daytime dates in there. Then, you will see whether he is a potential friend, in addition to being a lover, before you get to the stage of sleeping with him.